A joke that I found on the internet this week that wasn't about Michael Jackson.

US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.
After 15 minutes speaking he says, “I will now answer any questions
you have.”

Bobby stands up and says: “I have four questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden?
3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?
4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?”

Just then the bell goes off and the kids rushed out to play. Upon
returning, Mr. Ashcroft said: “I am sorry we were interrupted. I
will answer any questions you have.”

A little girl called Julie stands up and says: “I have six questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden?
3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?
4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early?
6. Where’s Bobby?

Eng-a-land...Eng-a-land...

As the Soham murder trial continued at the Old Bailey yesterday, the jury were treated to Ian Huntley's version of events.
According to Huntley the girls had visited him on the evening of their disappearance, one of them complaining of a nose bleed. Being a good, kind-hearted soul, Huntley had led the girls up to the bathroom where he ever-so-slightly accidentally knocked one of the girls into a bath full of water. He had filled the bath in preparation for washing his dog, Trixie-licks.
It was only a tiny, accidental tap but enough to knock the schoolgirl unconscious and force her to somehow drown in an inch of bubblebath.
Unable to fish her friend out, presumably due to the fact that she'd swallowed four tons of lead before falling into the bathtub, the other girl began to scream. Huntley felt it necessary to stifle her sobs by ever-so-gently placing his hand across her mouth. And blow me...if she didn't suffercate!
Naturally seized with uncontrolable panic Huntley then cut off the girls' clothes with a pair of scissors (as you would) and drove their dead bodies down to the woods in the boot of his car before carefully dumping them.
On the way back three pixies leapt from the bushes and told him that he'd better not tell the truth to the police. The pixies then left on a very fat pig with small stubby wings known as Cecil.
Coh! What are the chances of that happening eh?

Elsewhere, Tony Blair has decided to conduct an, "I'm listening...no honest I am..." campaign. The idea is to allow the public to voice their opinions on what he should do to cheer them up in the future.
All together now...

Water Carry On

Three weeks ago I received a circular from the company that supplies water to my area. Included in the bumpf was a mention about the British Government’s intention to mass medicate British people with fluoride via the water supply. I was given the opportunity to record my opinion (which I did) with the assurance that the result of the poll would go to the relevant government office responsible for public health.
I opted for the online poll and made my feelings clear – for the sake of children’s teeth wouldn’t it be preferable to teach them oral hygiene rather than oral sex?
We are duly informed that fluoridation is harmless. It will prevent tooth decay and prevent diseases in later life.
Yeah, right.
What they don’t say is that the chemical they want to introduce to a population whose bodies are already under toxic attack from pollution in the environment is itself the by product of the aluminum and fertilizer industries.
Yes that’s right.
They want to dump an industrial pollutant in our water supply.
Phoney Bleugghh is very good at telling us what is good for us. He forces our kids to have the MMR vaccine or nothing at all. We are still awaiting confirmation that young Leo has been vaccinated but Bleugghh is keeping annoyingly schtum thus fuelling speculation that Leo has not had the jab the courts have shamefully foisted on at least two children despite their mothers objections. A growing number of parents are now risking the health of their children in fear that the MMR vaccine has the potential to do worse damage.
Then there is Tone’s unhealthy obsession with GM crops. Fortunately things are not going his way at the moment. Even his pet experts have to admit that the commercial introduction of GM crops in Britain will result in widespread pollen pollution. Lovely!!!!
Now he wants us all to take our medicine even if we don’t want it. Fluoridation appears to be a nice little scam to get people to pay for the disposal of a poisonous and, in many cases carcinogenic, industrial waste via our water supply. Obviously this is what the bastard is talking about when he tells us of his commitment to clean up the environment.
Fluoridation is intended to strengthen the enamel of children’s teeth. Fluoride toothpastes are designed for the same job and, yes you’ve guessed it – the fluoride is the same byproduct of industrial processes and not the pure stuff most of us think has been clinically concocted in some pristine lab.
While fluoride is initially good for strengthening the enamel of children’s teeth it is also associated with:

Thyroid cancers and other cancers

Dental and skeletal fluorosis – irreparable damage to teeth and bones through the ingestion of excess fluoride – there is also fluoride in many process foods so how the hell do you restrict the dose?

Arthritis

Alzheimer’s Disease. Fluoride from the aluminium industry all too readily absorbs aluminium and other nasty metals linked with this appalling condition. It is not purified before being sold as a "harmless" additive to water.

The list goes on but I think that by now you get the gist of what Tone wants for us. Fluoride is also an active ingredient in Fluoxetine (Prozac) which has a tendency to turn otherwise normal people into happy, vacant zombies. And the laugh is we are told that bottled natural mineral water is bad for us because of the (usually harmless) bacteria found swimming in it. The Dental Association is concerned that children who drink mineral water instead of fizzy pop are at risk of dental decay because they are not taking in enough fluoride. I rather thought that not drinking fizzy pop is itself a protection against dental decay. What I say is fuck the experts who are promoting mass medication in the face of scientific research that links fluoride with life threatening illnesses. As for me, I’ll take the germs over Phoney every time.

Pink Revolution Latest!!!

“We caught them in flagrante delicto,” said Constable Quentin Spiderpoke of London’s Thought Police, Lavender Hill Division. “When Colin Straightbloke was ordained as Bishop of Battersea we just knew it would only be a matter of time before we caught him officiating over a bi-sex marriage. He has now been taken to Greek Street HQ where he will be given a thorough probing. ”
“It’s disgusting,” said Assistant Commissioner Brenda Beanflicker. “An affront to our politically correct minority sensibilities. We won a seminal victory when the word “marriage” was finally expunged from government records and documents. Then it was a positive step forward when hetero marriage was no longer recognized in British law and having the word marriage removed from the dictionary was the icing on the fairy cake. Personally, I don’t think I can ever rest until heterosexual relationships are outlawed entirely and children conceived by artificial insemination. Maybe psychiatry can help these poor deluded non-gay souls.”
Bishop Straightbloke last week organized the protest supporting the cause of disenfranchised straight couples and their children. Millions marched On Downing Street to protest the decision of Prime Minister Tony Bleugghh’s government to wage war on old fashioned Christian values and bi-sex family units other than his own. Unfortunately the PM wasn't at home. He remembered, at the last minute, he was scheduled to hold talks with a delegation of Welsh and Yorkshire farmers in the north of England who are seeking to give sheep equal legal status on a parity with sponges and gusset typists.
Yesterday Bishop Straightbloke was determined to free his millions strong flock from what he describes as the oppression of politically correct “pink Nazi” minorities. “I’ll be buggered if I give up,” he said grimly.

Praise the Lord! Praise Allah! Those nasty, elusive WMDs found at last!!Apologies expected from Doubting Thomases.Immediately!

One of the Eeyores of mass destruction
undergoes precautionary full cavity search.

" The Palestine and Sheraton hotels in central Baghdad were hit by a volley of five rockets fired from donkey carts at about 7:15 this morning.

Three donkey carts covered in hay, a common sight in Baghdad in the early morning, were found loaded with home-made concrete rocket launchers with steel tubes. They were housing either 107-milimeter Soviet-made Katushya rockets or 122-milimeter Brazilian-made Aspro rockets, powerful weapons that can hit targets at a range of 10 miles.

The donkeys attached to the carts were all tethered to trees and the rockets were set off by a home-made system using timer fuses and car batteries. One was outside the Palestine Hotel and another outside the Oil Ministry."

Despite all those nasty things people say about George, you have to admit ... HE'S A COMPLETE ARSEHOLE!

Bush, who wore a U.S. Army jacket over his blue shirt and dark tie, drew whoops of delight from assembled soldiers when he vowed revenge against those who have slain Americans.

"Anyone who seeks to harm our soldiers knows that our great soldiers are hunting for them." He again said U.S. resolve would not be shaken and a stable democracy would be forged in Iraq "because the United States of America will not be intimidated by a bunch of thugs."

Fort Carson has sent 12,000 soldiers to Iraq and suffered large losses, including four soldiers killed in a Chinook helicopter shot down over Falluja Nov. 2.

"Every person who dies in the line of duty leaves a family which lives in sorrow and comrades who must go in without them," he said.



Bush uncharacteristically* singled out one victim, Staff Sgt. Daniel Bader, 28, of York, Neb., who died in the Chinook crash and left a wife, Tiffany, and a 14-month-old daughter.

The White House has said in the past the president cannot pick and choose which funerals to attend and to whom to pay tribute without potentially offending other families who do not receive presidential attention.

But Bush used the Bader death *to make a political point, quoting the words of the dead soldier's wife from a newspaper account.

"I'm going to wait until she is old enough to realize what has happened, and I will tell her exactly what her daddy did for her," Bush quoted the widow as saying of her daughter. "He died serving his country, so my little girl could grow up free."

In his speech, Bush didn't mention Elaine Johnson, whose son Darius Jennings was one of four Fort Carson soldiers on the Chinook helicopter that was shot down Nov. 2.

When Johnson was at the Fort Carson chapel a week ago for her son's memorial service, she wondered aloud why the president had visited South Carolina in the week of her son's funeral but had not bothered to attend or to send any message to her or her family.

"Evidently my son wasn't important enough to him dead for him to visit the family or call the family," she said then. "As long as my son was alive he was important, because he sent him over there to fight a war."

AN ARSEHOLE, A COMPLETE ARSEHOLE ... but an arsehole that comes up smelling of roses (roses fed by the blood and bone of others) to Johnny and Tony.

Rugby Players Do It With Odd Shaped Gnadgers...

Georgian rebels celebrate the humiliating defeat of the Ozzies at the hands of the Poms by waving the English flag in front of the Parliament building.