Thora Hird says:
"Those adjustable beds are reet grand! You can lower the foot and all your incontinence dribbles out into a specially placed tray! Fuckin' smashin!"
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Jacques Chirac (President of France and former scuba-diving champion) and Herman Schrodinger (Prime Minister, or whatever the equivalent is, of Germany as well as an expert in placing cats inside boxes before shooting them with hypothetical guns) have joined forces against the war with Iraq, causing a rift through the middle of the UN Security Council almost as wide as Joan Rivers' cleavage. This, of course, leaves Tony bin Blair (Prime Minister of Great Britain and former porn star) in a bit of a quandary as Britain is supposed to be allied closer to Europe culturally, politically, geographically and ethically than we are to the U.S. of A. (Unidentified Shitholes of America) whilst his tongue is still firmly wedged up Bush's sphincter. Alistair Campbell, receiving inordinate amounts of tax payers' money to get Uncle Tony out of any political quagmire he might stumble selfishly into, has denounced France as being 'less ethical and more anti-American' in its political stance on this matter. He went on to add that, "Those Froggies wouldn't know what was right or wrong if it bit them on the nose. We saved their bony butts during the Second World War and since then we've had nothing but dock-workers' strikes, British beef bans and the strong smell of garlic wafting across the English Channel. And as for those Krauts! Who won that bleeding war, that's what I want to know?! They should agree with everything that Britain tells them to do, the ungrateful bastards. Here's Tony doing his best to
Other news and a government opposition leak today claims that the War with Iraq is just an invention to take our minds of all the problems created by New Labour in our own country. More than this, the document stated that the entire world beyond these shores was invented for the same purpose. Officials in Whitehall (the existence of which is now also under debate) have been trying to verify these claims, whilst themselves coming under scrutiny for being inventions in their own right. "It's my belief," commented Mr Haughton at the grocers. "That the 'ole bloomin' lot is one big lie. There's nothing beyond Fleetwood except for millions of bureaucrats all keepin' us in the dark and workin' us like slaves." We have it on good authority, such as the fact that I saw him polishing his onions this morning, that Mr Haughton is one of the few people in the world to be genuine. "Of course, there's one good thing to come out of all this," he continued, restacking his apples so that the mangiest ones were at the top. "If the world's all just a fabrication of the government's mind and there's no Iraq and no France or owt like that, then ergo there's no bleedin' America neither. And that's got to be a good thing!" With which compelling thought he vanished into his outhouse to store his potatoes down the bog.
The editorial staff at the Rant of the Week have tried to contact the Whitehouse to either deny or confirm these rumours but as yet we've had no reply. If the none-existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is proof that Saddam is trying to hide them, then the lack of response from the Whitehouse is proof enough that George Bush and his militia are all ignorant shits. In the meantime David Ike continues to insist that George Bush, Ronald Regan, the Queen and various others are baby-eating lizards from another planet disguised as humans. Parliament has dismissed this claim as 'Flippant nonsense' whilst David Ike, who doesn't exist himself and is just a fabrication by the government to stir up controvesy over the royals, who also don't exist, thus taking our mind off the war with Iraq, which doesn't exist...where the fuck was I?
| The Venerable Sage of Unyan Dispenser of wisdoms and sayer of sooths to the multitudes |
|
Upon hearing that Lord God Anthony declares that the worst twenty three schools in the realm will face closure the Venerable Unyan doth say - should Lord God Anthony make it policy to close this number of schools year upon year then he will solve the education crisis by (consults abacus) erm, the end of this century sometime. Blessed be His holy wisdom for it is without end. |
Via Metafilter.
"As we all know, the military pool system created then was meant to be, and was, a major impediment for photojournalists in their quest to communicate the realities of war.
I refused to participate in the pool system. I was in the Gulf for many weeks as the build-up of troops took place, and then sat out the "air war", and flew from Paris to Riyadh as soon as the ground war began. I arrived at the "mile of death" the morning the day the war stopped. It was very early in the morning and few other journalists were present. When I arrived at the scene of this incredible carnage, strewn all over on this mile stretch were cars and trucks with wheels still turning, radios still playing, and there were bodies scattered along the road. Many people have asked the question "how many people died" during the war with Iraq and the question has never been well answered. That first morning, I saw and photographed a U.S. Military 'graves detail' bury in large graves many bodies.
As we approach the distinct possibility of another war, a thought comes to mind. The photographs that I made do not, in themselves, represent any personal political judgment or point of view with respect to the politics and the right or wrong of the first Gulf War. What they do represent is a part of a more accurate picture of what really does happen in war. I feel it is important and that citizens have the right to see these images. This is not to communicate my point of view, but so viewers as citizens can be offered a better opportunity to consider the whole picture and consequences of that war and any war. I feel that it is part of my role as a photojournalist to offer the viewer the opportunity to draw from as much information as possible, and develop his or her own judgment."
Peter Turnley
December 2002
Yes George, Tony and John, war is "a thing of beauty and a joy forever". (As long as you're not at the pointy end of it.)
"As we all know, the military pool system created then was meant to be, and was, a major impediment for photojournalists in their quest to communicate the realities of war.
I refused to participate in the pool system. I was in the Gulf for many weeks as the build-up of troops took place, and then sat out the "air war", and flew from Paris to Riyadh as soon as the ground war began. I arrived at the "mile of death" the morning the day the war stopped. It was very early in the morning and few other journalists were present. When I arrived at the scene of this incredible carnage, strewn all over on this mile stretch were cars and trucks with wheels still turning, radios still playing, and there were bodies scattered along the road. Many people have asked the question "how many people died" during the war with Iraq and the question has never been well answered. That first morning, I saw and photographed a U.S. Military 'graves detail' bury in large graves many bodies.
As we approach the distinct possibility of another war, a thought comes to mind. The photographs that I made do not, in themselves, represent any personal political judgment or point of view with respect to the politics and the right or wrong of the first Gulf War. What they do represent is a part of a more accurate picture of what really does happen in war. I feel it is important and that citizens have the right to see these images. This is not to communicate my point of view, but so viewers as citizens can be offered a better opportunity to consider the whole picture and consequences of that war and any war. I feel that it is part of my role as a photojournalist to offer the viewer the opportunity to draw from as much information as possible, and develop his or her own judgment."
Peter Turnley
December 2002
Yes George, Tony and John, war is "a thing of beauty and a joy forever". (As long as you're not at the pointy end of it.)
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