A BITTER PILL?

The pharmaceutical companies have only our best interests at heart so naturally they are concerned about the uneducated public imbibing suspect herbal remedies at the expense of good old fashioned chemical drugs. Natural remedies do not normally come with many adverse side effects and, as any pharmaceutical marketing department worth its salt knows, you can’t have a decent cure without at least ten accompanying side effects that make you feel worse before you begin to feel better.
So, to promote healthy profits, the EU is going to help those nice friendly companies put most of those irresponsible homeopathic quacks, health food freaks and peddlers of herbs out of business by having various herbal extracts and food supplements available on prescription only.
Naturally, these wonderful companies want to make the world a better place for not everyone but themselves.

Tomorrow: Monsanto’s phenomenal contribution to Western health.

Princess Diana's butler, (or rather ex-butler if you'd prefer) Mr Paul Burrell (or however his name's spelt) is currently standing trial accused of stealing jewellery, private correspondence and various other expensive items from the princess' house shortly after she died. In court the judge read out a statement on behalf of Mr Burrell intended to show his 'close-relationship' with the dead princess. It began:

"Princess Diana had a number of..."

And at that point it ended abruptly, the judge deciding that the rest of the statement contained sensitive information not fit for public consumption.

Leaving aside the obvious moral issues here of the disgracefully rich receiving different treatment than the common plebeian (what else is new? Make rape victims describe the previous sexual relationships in full why not, but give the Royal Family cart blanche when it comes to difficult confessions) I must admit I am intrigued to know exactly what Diana had a 'number of'.

Tufted blemishes on her arse, perhaps? Boiled babies on sticks? Photographs of Dodi's balls as they slapped against her pale jowls? Stubborn skidmarks on the gusset of her undies? (You know where the comments box is, folks. Suggestions welcome as always.)

Also, during the trial, the investigating officer was asked to describe the items of jewellery removed from Diana's house. Having described them, again, as 'sensitive' he then handed the judge a notepad containing written descriptions.

Prince Charles' Prince Albert? A solid gold clitoris ring? Foetus earrings? Diamond encrusted anal beads with the Queen Mother's face carved into them? Again...you know where the comments box is.

Anyhow...I have this to say to Mr Burrell in light of his alleged theft... Good on you mate! I hope you did nick all those things 'cos that loose-necked aristocratic bitch had been stealing from the rest of us all our lives. And that goes for her royal cohorts as well, the ones who are now so desperate to get their blood money back. Thieving, inbred, dirty descendants of the French aristocracy that they are. It's about time somebody gave them a taste of their own medicine...that being the piss they've poured on us commoners for so many centuries now that nobody even notices any more. Surely theft is a term that can only be applied when somebody's property is removed without their permission. The Spencer family didn't own all that stuff in the first place; leeched, raped, stolen, coerced, forced, stripped and harvested from the lesser mortals of this septic isle as it was. You can't begin to imagine how much I'd like to be sitting on that jury right now.

What did Princess Diana have a 'number of' that we're not allowed to hear about? Well, it wasn't fucking braincells for a start and it certainly wasn't scruples.

Message to the Verdant Nymph.
re:- "Blogger tells me that the password it gave me not two seconds ago is not the correct one."
I'm on their case, but Blogger/Blogspot can be a tetchy little beast prone to chronic PMS, hot flashes, identity crises and bi polarity.

This week's etc...

"The Truth about Britain Today" as told by the fat bloke in the pub!

1) All artists are puffs. And so are actors. Apart from John Thaw, he was all right.

2) That Queen Mum, she was a right decent woman who did loads of good stuff for the country with her charities and stuff. Just like Princess Diana. Pity she died. I'd have shagged her.

3) We fought the Second World War to keep the nig-nogs out. Now look at the state of the country. It's bloody full of them. And they're not like us, you know? They're not civilised. They crap in their bathtubs and eat dog food because they think it contains real dogs.

4) That Maggie Thatcher was the best thing that ever happened to us. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have my own decorating business today. Or own my own council house. God bless her.

5) The bloody unions are ruining this country. Especially that one with the nig-nog in charge of it.

6) What do you mean, not everyone likes sport? All blokes like football and that's a fact. Those who reckon otherwise are just lying out of their arseholes to impress their birds or something.

7) That Michael Barrymore, he's a funny bloke, but he shouldn't bum young boys and then drown them. That's the trouble with queers. They always end up killing each other and spreading aids. What they need is a good shag with some bird with big knockers. That'd teach them.

8) Fucking Iraqis, coming over here and stealing our jobs. We need to nuke them and sort the problem out once and for all. I'm with Bush. He might be American but he's all right in my book.

9) Women like men who kick them around a bit. It makes them feel more feminine. Nothing violent, of course. Just the odd smack in the gob when they haven't got me dinner ready in time.

10) The people in this country ought to stop arsing around and go to war with the ragheads. They're a bloody menace. These wankers who reckon the War is unjustified are just ignorant twats. What would have happened if we'd ignored Hitler during World War Two? The country would be over run by nig-nogs now. Bloody liberals. They're all gay. Next thing you know they'll be letting paedophiles get away with shagging the kiddies.

The Lord Chief Justice, Lord Woolf, has vowed to uphold the human rights of illegal immigrants, asylum seekers and terrorists alike and fight for their right to stay in Britain. He intends to do this even if he has to defy parliament and public opinion. Very noble of him.
As we know, public opinion doesn’t count for much in Britain. We have a crazy system that rewards terrorists with government posts (think Sinn Fein) and demands that a hard pressed and under funded police force to foot the bill for a refugee camp burnt down by its (mostly illegal) occupants. Am I the only one who believes this is pure madness? I don’t think so.
At the risk of sounding unfashionably politically incorrect I suggest the following:

That individuals possessing terrorist tendencies, who are seeking asylum of a country whose way of life they vociferously despise, should be given the boot without leave to appeal. Anyone allowed into Britain who begins to preach hatred against the British people should also be immediately deported.

Refugees from war zones should be given temporary asylum but encouraged to return home as soon as their countries have been stabilised. Aid should come from an international fund, especially from countries who have helped to bomb or terrorise these people out of their homes. And I'm not talking parachuted peanut butter and other questionable comestibles.

People seeking asylum for economic reasons should be told to get lost. Our creaking social security system can barely cope with our own poor and needy along with genuine asylum seekers so we don’t need a large influx of foreign scroungers to sink the boat thank you very much.

Innocent individuals and families who are genuinely fleeing for their lives should be given priority to have their cases heard.

Rich immigrants who make political donations or bribe members of HM government to gain British passports can f*ck off. Being a rich, corrupt bastard with friends in high places doesn’t mean the ordinary Brit in the street wants the like soiling our shores. We have enough home spun crooks of our own if you don’t mind.

The British people are generous when it comes to digging into their pockets to help those in need. But we are a small country with a big population. We cannot possibly fit a large percentage of the world’s dispossessed and dissatisfied into what amounts to a two-up-two-down terraced house. Anyone forcing entry and demanding permanent lodgings for no good reason will get the door slammed firmly in their faces. If Lord Woolf and his rampant, politically correct public servant cronies don’t like what public opinion thinks of them then perhaps they shouldn’t be taking their salaries from public coffers.

PATRIOT MEMES: The Genetics of Cultural Conformity and Mass Hysteria - Part III

When Dubya Bush does an about face and crumbles before withering world opinion, any unpatriotic dickweeds caught laughing will be tied to petrol station forecourts and mall car parks in the Washington area where they can take their chances with the sniper (who is probably in the pay of Bin Laden but he’s white so we can’t prove it yet).