Who says the war is going badly? Well, according to military analysts, just about everyone. The Americans made a significant balls up when they underestimated the Iraqis' determination to fight. If they had followed the original UN route and waited until all the options had been tried then France, Germany, Russia and so on would have been part of the coalition. The Iraqis don't trust American troops after they were let down twelve years ago. A proper coalition would have helped to create the expected uprising and a more welcoming attitude in general. Instead miserable civilians now grab what food and water they can, stick two fingers up at the invading troops and bugger off sharpish feeling thoroughly violated.

But still the spin continues. Yesterday Tony bin Blair claimed that two British POWs had been executed by the evil Iraqi regime. Today their relatives came out fighting. Apparently the soldiers were killed in an ambush. Tony Blair is said to be upset at any hurt he might have caused the families during his inspired propaganda. What a cunt, eh? Now deeply humiliated he has vowed never to lie for his own sickening ends ever again.

Meanwhile Brighton pier has been burnt to a crisp this afternoon. Faulty wiring is suspected but the British government is blaming Iraq.

***

Chigley Does Baghdad!

Here is a Bush. A war-mongering Bush. Wound up and ready to pray prey.

Time flies by when you're the pilot of a plane,
And you fly over Baghdad time and time again.
Firing missiles, dropping MOABs, causing devastation.
Don't go near the market square.
Nothing of importance there.
Lives fly by when you are liberating pests.
The ungrateful little bastards claim they'd rather be oppressed.

The First Week of the War!

The opening week of this inexpertly stage-managed war has been seven days of perpetually decreasing spirals. First Umm Qasr was secured. Then it wasn't. Then it was. Then it wasn't. There was an uprising in Basrah. Then there wasn't. Then there was. Then there wasn't. Kuwait was attacked by scud missiles. But they weren't scud missiles. Then they were. Then they weren't. An armoured column left Basrah to be fired on by Tornadoes. Then they didn't. There were over one hundred tanks amongst them. There were three. Two cruise missiles hit a crowded market in Baghdad. Then only one cruise missile hit a crowded market in Baghdad. Then none. Then it was a scud. But there weren't any scuds. Saddam Hussein was killed in his bunker. Then he wasn't. Then he was. Then he was only injured. But then he died just before appearing on television. But it wasn't him. It was Ronnie Corbett doing an impression. Then it was him and his double had died. Then no one had died. Then everyone had died. Two British soldiers were killed in action. Then they were executed. Then they weren't. Turkish troops invaded Northern Iraq. Then they didn't. Then they did...but only a bit. It was moral and just war. But it wasn't. It never has been. But Tony Blair claims it is. But it isn't. Terry Lloyd went missing. Then he was dead. Then he was only rumoured to be dead. Then he was dead again. Then Canadian troops were massacred outside Baghdad. Then they weren't because Canada isn't even in this war. Vital aid was reaching the starving. Then it wasn't. Then it was shown being handed out in the streets. Then it wasn't because it was still on the ship, which hadn't docked because Umm Qasr was still unsecured. But it was. Weapons of mass destruction were uncovered. But they weren't. Or perhaps they were. But they definitely weren't.

What a load of crap! There are reporters embedded in almost every unit fighting in Iraq. Reporters with information restricted to official military statements and censored for accuracy by the MoD. And none of them can agree with each other! No wonder this war is going so badly. The truth will out eventually, but only when the fighting is over, the innocents have all been liberated from their lives and those who reign supreme in the USA fart in the faces of the UN for one last time before turning Iraq into another American oil-field, only this time without democratic recourse and with American generals in control. Or perhaps it won't. It's Friday night and I'm off to get drunk and wake up tomorrow with an appalling hangover. It seems Britain and America are not the only ones who don't learn from past experiences.