At enormous cost and by arrangement with the NHS, the ROTW can directly monitor the health status of the former Editor.

Bugger, he's disconnected it again! The devious bastard has some whisky stashed away somewhere hasn't he?

Correct Sedgers. Operation delayed by seven days. Whisky bottle reopened. Tank barrel aimed towards Deupty Editor's head.

Dear Editor, oh great and benevolent one who passeth all understanding, whose light doth shine upon the unworthy, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe and lifts them up, I am not responsible for and never have been responsible for all the scurrilous and naughty things said about you in previous postings which bear my name. I have some idea (and absolutely no evidence) as to who did this but it would be unkind, ungallant and possibly libellous to broadcast my suspicions. Never will you hear the name Jacquelyn Arnold (aka "Green Fairy", "Brutal Woman", "The Woman with a British Accent" "The Mother of All Hackers") fall trippingly from my lips even though I know she did it.

I rest my case of single malt.