The Rant of the Week Small Ads

For Sale: One solid gold bidet (price tag still attached), three computers (as used by the Ministry of Defence) and one large copper bust (slightly damaged). Tel: Abdulah Callid Mohammed, Baghdad 051 555 45
Wanted: Large numbers of Iraqi women to appear as extras in CNN jubilation street scene. All applicants must apply to 'History in the Remaking Productions', Spielburg Street, Manhatten.
Position Vacant: Minister for Information. Prospects for promotion somewhat limited. Applicants must be willing to travel. Write to: Number four, La Rue de Clandestine, Paris.
Lost: Two arms belonging to young boy. Last seen in the Basra area.
Missing: Weapons of Mass Destruction. If found please contact Donald Rumsfeld at the White House, Washington immediately.
Bargain: Stannah Chair Lift free to anyone with a pickup truck. One previous owner. Also available, one walk-in bath tub and one adjustable bed. Tel: Morecombe 8958787.