"Ricky Gervais will NOT play loser David Brent in the American version of his cult BBC2 smash The Office — but he will help make it.

Ricky flew to Los Angeles for talks with TV bosses and agreed to be executive producer and script consultant.

If the show is a hit in the US, the 41-year-old star and co-writer Stephen Merchant will be millionaires."

To guarantee that the US version will be a hit, a few changes have been suggested by the American TV executives. The American version of The Office (tentatively titled "Leave it to Three Men and a Stapler") will have a wisecracking character, a dimwitted, simple-minded, naive, zany but loveable best friend and a grouch or hollerer with a heart of gold. There will also be a smart-alecky little kid and a baby that ages while the older kids don't. There'll also be a leading man and leading lady who are complete opposites of each other, hate each other but are destined to fall in love despite each thinking that the other one is gay. There'll be a man and woman who really like each other but mask it by insulting each other. David Brent's grandparent will visit the office and conflict and confusion is sure to arise. And of course canned laughter that you can only dream of.

David Hasselhoff has been signed to play David Brent.

In the months ahead pointy sharp things that might cause injury or death should be kept well out of the reach of Ricky Gervais.