Latest News: CHEMICAL WEAPONS FACTORY DISCOVERED ABOVE A CHEMIST IN LONDON!

Well...actually, as it turns out, six Algerian men were arrested today for possessing a handful of cod liver oil tablets and 'minute trace elements' of the toxin 'Ricin'. Naturally the papers and the television news programmes have made a great deal out of this, despite the fact that ricin cannot be used to kill en masse and needs to be injected into the skin to have any effect.

Nonetheless, Tony bin Blair was quick to jump on the bandwagon with his highly expected, "See I told you so! I said we'd get terrorists with weapons of massive destruction in Britain if we didn't go to war with Iraq, didn't I?" stance.

So, presumably, the weapons of mass destruction that the U.N. inspectors are searching for and that are causing Mr Blair and Ms Bush so much consternation are of equivalent destructive potential. i.e. about as dangerous as a very sharp spud peeler. No wonder they're proving so difficult to find. They'd better check Saddam's socks then where, as every good school teacher would tell you, he's no doubt got them stashed away for safe keeping.

Later this afternoon, Uncle Tony addressed a bastard (or whatever the collective noun is) of British ambassadors, defending himself from recent criticism about being 'Bush's poodle'. "This anti-Americanism" the porn-star's son-in-law said, "Is just ignorant and churlish. You can't hate a whole country because you disagree with some of its policies."

Really? Then why are you planning to bomb Iraq, you bastard?

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