Anti-terrorist intelligence today led to a raid on a central London sect of the First Church of the Asylum (FCA) that is suspected of a series of attacks on the British people. Police stormed an address in Downing Street in the early hours of this morning and arrested several idiots who claimed to be running the Asylum. Head of FCA, Tony Baloney, who is said to have close links with international warmonger, Bush the Barbarian, is being questioned about his blatant attempts to destroy British social, financial, military and political institutions (Don’t you mean introduce radical new policies designed to take Britain into the 21st Century? Ed). Baloney’s Consort-Royal, Cherie the Profitess, (Don’t you mean Prophetess? Ed.) (No, shut the fuck up! TS.), defended her husband claiming he was the best leader this country ever had and the miserable gits who were born here are not fit to lick his feet so obviously don’t deserve him. Several tons of documents, said to be evidence of Baloney’s plans to destroy any hope of a decent future for all creeds and colours who have British nationality and are not rolling in dosh, together with bin bags stuffed with empty rhetoric and false promises, were taken away for examination. Baloney, who possesses weapons of mass destruction, is an enemy of common sense and is known to harbour terrorists, will be interrogated about the continual breakdown of British territorial borders to the amusement of the French Government later today.

Britain reserves right to attack Iraq: Blair.

The British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, says he has no doubt Iraq has weapons of mass destruction and the full capacity to use them.

And the weapons inspectors will find them. Should be pretty bloody easy. They have "Made in Britain" or "Product of the USA" on them.

Mr Blair is still facing questioning by House of Commons Committee, mainly on the topic of Iraq.

Tony will exercise his right to "phone a friend" on the tricky ones. "I would like to call my friend George in Washington. He's a bit of an expert on puppet regimes gone feral."

He says Saddam Hussein certainly has biological and chemical weapons and is attempting to rebuild a nuclear capability.

The line from the film with that Meg Ryan sheila says it all, "I'll have what he's not having".

He says Britain would reserve the right to attack Iraq if there was a veto for a second resolution in the United Nations Security Council.

How dare these pricks exercise their right to veto, that's not we're paying them for! The England Cricket team is itching to have a crack at Saddam's Imperial Guards Eleven. "Their SCUDS will be no match for our GOOGLIES, BOUNCERS and YORKERS", proclaimed a confident Nassar Hussain. (Hey, that's a suss name for a bloke going into bat for the free world!)

The British leader acknowledges many people are against the war but believes he can turn public opinion around ahead of any conflict.

"On the advice of my wife I have employed Mr. Peter Foster to head a witch hunt an inquiry into the misguided people who are against this just crusade. He will be collecting the names and addresses of these raghead loving, anti British, traitorous, AIDS spreading, child molesting bastards who will then either be sent to re-education camps or be provided with a free frontal lobotomy for life courtesy of the recently upgraded 5 chairs-no-waiting NHS."

But you British lot can let Tony know he's dead wrong.

Mr Blair also defended his close alliance with President George W Bush, saying it would not be fair for the United States to have to face these issues alone.

The Prime Minister has been reinforced in his view by the profound advice offered by his senior foreign policy advisor Dame Tammy Wynette, "Stand by your man. Some times it's hard to be a dog givin' all your love to just one man. You'll have sad times and he'll have good times, doin' things that you don't understand. But if you love him you'll forgive him even though he's hard to understand. And if you love him, aww, be proud of him cuz after all he's just a poodle fancier."

Some blogs that pop up on the "Most recently updated" list at Blogger provide fascinating insights into the lives of others. The Oprahesque full confessional blog, the omphaloskepsic blog, the teenage angst blog, the rightwing harangue blog and, most of all, blogs providing evidence that the capacity to chew grammar and type at the same time is in recessional free fall. But I digress and pompously pontificate ... love it when I do that ... I come over all tingly-like!

Forget Jennifer (of "Brad wants me to have his 12 babies" fame), Callista (of "Harrison thinks I'm fat" fame) and Barbra (of "Does my nose look big in this" fame). Camgirl "Allcurves" of :: The Ponderings of a Curvy Mind :: had me captivated. Continuing the tradition begun by the great diarist Samuel Pepys (how much more appropriate it would have been for the purposes of this posting had his name been spelt phonetically, but you can't have everything), Camgirl "Allcurves" tells us she was "at a crucial hairstyle fork in the road" back on Monday, January 21, 2002. But it wasn't a problem that kept her from expressing thanks, care and concern for some of her clientele.

"Anyhooo...first things first. One of my sweet viewers ordered some items for me from Fetish Factory on my Wish List . I am so excited...but...these items were ordered some time ago and I have not received them. I know that Fetish Factory takes a bit to ship...but my concern is that whoever ordered these wonderful gifts from me was billed and the order was misplaced :-( So, to whoever the sweetheart is that ordered the scrumptious gifts...you might want to check with Fetish Factory's customer service to make sure the order was processed and shipped or going to be shipped."

Sweet!

:: The Ponderings of a Curvy Mind ::

I'll be back Allcurves. See you at the tonsorial crossroads around midnight.

John Howard Speaks Bullshit Out!

"My fellow wombat fuckers. I would like to take this P.R. opportunity to express my sorrow and walletfelt condolences to everyone who lost their homes and/or loved ones in the worst Australian bush fire since Kylie Minogue stood too close to the barbie. Words fail me. Frequently. On a more positive note, however, now that the flames are out we've finally got the ashes back in Australia where they belong."

Dear Terry;

We must not be impatient. We must be kind and considerate of those who are less fortunate than we are. You, of all people, should realize this, just remembering your litany of problems both financial and moral, they mirror my own sad tear filled story, boring though that may be. I am sure you do not wish me to waste space here by recounting the founding of the Weaver dynasty in the Black Forest and subsequent migration of the small greasy short hairy men that were to become not just dwarves but mighty warriors in the founding of Great Britain, even before it had a name but was more a place for Romans to ravage. Those Romans! Little did they realize just slightly West was a great continent, soon to be discovered by those same small hairy men seeking whisky and filled with a desire to carve a new life out of the American Indian. (This story is fully recounted by the Firesign Group.) I am sure you remember what then happened, filthy railroad crews laid a shinning band of steel rails across them all. Then they made big engine parts, big guns, and then the man who was to become the dearest friend of Tony Blair President Bush II was born to take oil from the ground and smoke very large cigars. Probably made in Cuba by North Korean specialists.

It was all down hill from there. So you see all is not as simple as you so callously make out to be? Especially about the genitals, how could you say such things about a National leader? Have you seen them? Have you been looking under skirts where you shouldn't? You are a very nasty person.

Editor's note: Weaver, you are correct in the assumption that Terry Sedgwick is a very nasty person. There are currently fifteen baby wombats pressing 'historical' charges against him for indecent exposure and illegal entry to their private mounds, along with a fifteen second old kangaroo from Wogga Wogga (still bald, only three inches long and plucked from its mother's pouch whilst suckling) that has set a legal precedent for brutal rape accusations as well as allegations of grand buggery, plagerism and wearing odd socks. The video is now available from 'Rolf Harris Enterprises, 69 Ozziebeard Street, Reading' priced £11.99. Extended footage of the koala torture chamber previously untransmitted on the Channel 5 documentary is also available on DVD.

Anybody want to contact Tony Blair to tell him he's a wonderfully charismatic leader? Or, forbid the thought, that he's a genitally challenged war mongering cheshire cat. Well have a looky here. This is most recent episode (with lovely pics of "Our Tone") in a fascinating saga which started HERE.

Anti war page updated to include emails of people who don't want to hear from you. Also there's now a little baby love child of Brian's big banner that you can put on your site. Thank you Raelians, thank you ball boys.

Thora Hird says:

"Those walk-in baths are alright but they fuckin' take forever to fill up and your tits get cold sittin' there."