In a recent poll the overwhelming majority of the British Public (more than eighty per cent in fact) said that they didn't want Britain to join forces with America and go to war against Iraq.

And yet...and yet...well...one just can't help but get the feeling that within six months we're going to be at war with Iraq whether we bloody like it or not.

After all, it shouldn't be difficult for the government (or at least those closest to Uncle Tony from an increasingly insular political standpoint) to spin the figures.

For example, recent government tallies have claimed that less than one million people are now unemployed in Blighty. A staggeringly low number when compared to the three and a half million back in the eighties. The difficulty arises when you realise that the British workforce consists of only forty million people. That's a discrepancy of twenty-one million, the population of Britain being sixty-one million as a rule. So what's become of the missing unemployed?

Well...taking into account the 'fact' that anybody unemployed for more than six months is transferred from unemployment benefit and given three choices...

1) income support.

2) a meaningless restart course/community service course.

3)...actually there is no third choice...they just end up kicked out onto the street without a penny to their names as befits a nation ever more American in political structure.

...and considering that once a person is no longer claiming unemployment benefit then they're also no longer classified as unemployed, it becomes easy to see where the discrepancies in the government figures lie.

It shouldn't be too difficult for Uncle Tony to use this same method to rewrite the public opinion polls with regard to Iraq.

Obviously anybody who's an old aged pensioner or a student...well they don't pay taxes so they don't count. Trade Union Supporters...militants basically. Won't include them! Backbenchers...too politically inclined towards the left...not a fair representation of the public. Tories, Liberals, Old Labour, bunch of tossers. Cross them off the list! Anybody whose name isn't Tony...they need to go. Anybody who isn't Prime Minister...their opinions aren't worthy of consideration anyhow. Now if we add one...minus eighteen...multiply by the number of voters who don't wear turbans and subtract six...success!

One hundred per cent of the British public support military action against Iraq!

And, in case we forget what we're fighting for...it's for democracy, ladies and gentlemen! Plain and simple! Never must we allow Britain's political system to fall into the hands of a dictatorship.

Thus endeth the rant for today.

Brian.

p.s. The extract from Widders' new book just trips off your tongue. As indeed does her fanny batter.