What the Hell was going on when evolution developed internal pain?! Particularly that of a diseased gallbladder variety! Last night I spent six or seven hours doubled-up in agony because I stupidly ate a sandwich containing butter instead of margerine. And whilst doubled-up I got to thinking, "Why? Why do we need pain on the inside at all?"

Pain on the outside I can understand. We need to feel things...it's one of our senses. But pain on the inside. That's just bloody irresponsible of nature! And there's no point in saying, "It's to let us know there's something wrong so that we can take the appropriate steps," because it's only in the last century or so that hospitals have become widespread. For the countless billions of years before that we couldn't do bugger all about sorting the problem out if we'd wanted to.

Did we evolve, not from chimps as George Bush tends to indicate, but from gallbladders where pain was originally a necessity? No...I strongly suspect that evolution is wrong and that this is God's work. And God, to all intents and purposes, is a petty, vindictive little sadist. The only problem with that argument is that God quite obviously doesn't exist at all...a fact proven by the very existence of Christians themselves.

Do you have a view on religion? Do you believe that Baby Jesus prefers arse-lickers to free-thinkers? Is abortion wrong? Or, as George Bush proves, should it be exercised with greater frequency? If you have an opinion on any of these subjects then please keep it to yourself. I'm off to stab my gallbladder with the potato peeler.