Edinburgh council (God bless their little cotton socks) have banned parents and family members from videoing and photographing their kids at school nativity plays this year in case the images end up in the hands of paedophiles. Perhaps next year the schools in Edinburgh will go back to the traditional plays instead of the all-nude 'Oh Emmanuelle' versions. Edinburgh council are not the first to employ such a ban this year. A spokesperson on Channel 4 news tonight said, "...we are only reacting to some parents' wishes." These wouldn't be the same fat, ugly council estate bastards who beat the crap out of a pediatrician a few years ago and burnt her house down because they didn't know what she actually did for a living, would they? And does this mean that the video-tape of my two nephews in their roles as shephards that I keep in my cupboard is now classified as hard-core child pornography? Having said that, I'm actually all for the idea. Furthermore I reckon we should ban children from being seen in public altogether in case paedophiles get turned on by the sight of 'real' kids playing. Life would be so much better without the little bastards playing cricket outside my house!

Other news, and apparently there are plans afoot for a sequel to the hit movie Gladiator. Er...how exactly? Not to give the game away to anybody who hasn't seen this historically innaccurate pile of old trash, but Ceaser dies at the end. As does Russel Crowe (hurrah). So what's the follow up? Gladiator 2: Trouble in the Elysian Fields? The Emperor Strikes Back? Another load of old made up bollocks following the usual plot-line of 'Innocent man witnesses family being killed and then seeks revenge on the powerful tyrant who killed them'? I wonder what Douglas Adams would have to say about it? No doubt it'd be a lot less confusing than my take on it, whatever it was.