Following close on the heels of Edinburgh council banning parents from taking photographs and video footage of their children in school nativity plays in fear that images may fall into the hands of paedophiles, New Labour’s policy makers have taken an even more hard line view.
Said a government spokessamesexrelationshipperson, “We feel that Christmas is not an appropriate festival for children to participate in. We’ve closely examined the lifestyle of this man, Jesus Christ, who was alleged to have said “Suffer the little children to come unto me.” and found there can only be one possible interpretation of his words and having children act out a part of this person’s life only serves to attract the unsavoury attentions of paedophiles. It certainly explains why there are so many child molesters within religious organisations.”
When asked by a reporter from the Daily Mail to comment upon two documented accounts of Mr. Christ cavorting in rivers with grown men, once when he was a child, the spokesthingy replied, “People are entitled to live an alternative lifestyle, something that we would like to see actively promoted in schools and children’s organisations. However, paedophilia must be stamped out wherever it is found which is why Christ will no longer be associated with Diwali while Yuletide’s Mr. Claus has finally been charged with soliciting the favours of children in exchange for presents. The really disgusting thing is that parents have been indulging these two perverts for generations.”
The Right Reverend Keith Sutton, Bishop of Lichfield, later commented, “It’s about time that Jesus chap got his comeuppance, he was nothing more than a scrounging asylum seeker.”
