Syrian president, Bashar Assad, after arriving in Britain yesterday, warned Tony Blair against war with Iraq.

"War with Saddam Hussein would create "fertile soil for terrorism" across the Middle East," he said...and he should know. According to reports Assad has a great many links to terrorism himself, has invaded his neighbouring country in the same fashion as Saddam, has a dreadful human rights record, torturing and killing his own people, and also sports a big bushy moustache.

He is currently in talks with Tony Blair (who desperately needs the use of Assad's concentration camps to launch British jet fighters into Iraq in January) and they are deciding which of the oil wells the Syrian president will inherit if he shuts his gob currently forging a workable peace plan.

Assad is due to meet the Queen tomorrow as the Royal Family are now running low on gifts for their butlers to sell.