"The British antiwar protesters are wrong. Deciding policy because of protests would be as bad as deciding policy because of focus groups."

George Dubbya once again putting his foot firmly in his mouth today, blissfully unaware that 95% of Blair's policies are decided by focus groups with the exception of his 'Let's bomb Iraq Campaign' which was decided by Bush.

"This isn't an anti-war protest. It's just anti-American. Some of the rhetoric I've heard over the last few days condemns America, our ally, more than it condemns Saddam"
Tony Blair, still unable to differentiate between George Bush and the American public. Much like the allied war machine will be unable to differentiate between Saddam and the people of Iraq.

The World's Wildest Police Videos: Channel 5 Sunday nights.

Reviewed by Dame Judy Dench.

"The World's Wildest Police Chases"? Surely not! This programme should really be known as, "A collection of badly filmed videos shot from American police cars, with the odd foray into another country thrown in for good measure." (Not that it matters because, as we've all come to expect, American's believe the USA is the World anyhow.)

Well...where to start with this annoying pile of drivel that's an insult to one's intelligence? Perhaps with the presenter, Sheriff False-and-Irritating (or whatever his name is) whose head is quite obviously made of plastic and who has the uncanny ability to speak without actually opening his teeth. (Just watch him...his lips move but his teeth appear to be glued together. Very reminiscent of a ventriloquist's dummy...the sort you'd like to punch repeatedly in the face until the wood splits.)

Then there's his commentary, furiously loud but exhaustingly slow and cliché: "The chase started with two crack-head, delinquent farm-boy bums thinking they could outrun the cops. But it ended with them staring down the arresting officer's gun barrel and a good kicking in the face and neck! Those stupid assholes! When will they ever learn you can't outsmart officers of the law?" (Presumably the day they learn to read and discover for themselves that official statistics show two thirds of crime in America goes unsolved and unpunished.) "This ass-licking moron in a drugstore in Memphis pulled a gun on an innocent shopkeeper but got more than he bargained for. What he wanted was the money. What he got was the barrel of a police officer's gun in his mouth and the back of his inbred, homeboy head blown up the wall. He'll be spending his takings in the morgue!"

It staggers me exactly how many of these chases end with a shooting. Violence! You've got to love it. Guns...God bless America! And yet...a drunk drops his trousers and they pixelate his buttocks. What's that all about? They've just shown people getting mowed down on the motorway and cops putting bullets through suspects' heads, then they bother to smudge out somebody's arsecrack. The programme is crap...but it says a lot about American culture.

Next week, Nigel Havers reviews "You've Been Framed. Presented by that fat, annoying slag off Emmerdale."

In a move than has stunned the Daily Mail into silence this morning, David Blunkett has put a ban on any more 'Iraqi Refugees' entering Britain. Said Blunkett in an interview with John Sergeant, "We've done this for humanitarian reasons. It has nothing to do with racist motives or the treasury's finances whatsoever as some ignorant people are suggesting. The truth is, if we keep letting political refugees into our country then Saddam Hussein will take advantage of the situation. The unemployment figures in Iraq will drop. There will be fewer people able to stand up to the evil dictator. And an ever-decreasing population frankly makes a mockery of UN sanctions!"

What? Okay, so I made it up and the whole story's bollocks. But if Tony Blair can spin the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people into some messianic moral obligation then it won't be long before the rest of his cabinet will start spinning shit into gold. The Great Leader in Korea Vs the Great Leader in Britain. It's hard to say who respects democracy less and who spins inhumanity into benevolent causes the most. They're both cunts either way. 'Nuff said!

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