If I hear another Washington 'politician' describe Tony bin Blair as an 'exceptionally brave man' for putting his political career on the line over the impending Iraqi war, I swear I'm going to catch the next plane over to America myself and twat the bastard. We'll see who's brave or not when the toecap of my boot connects with the idiot's front teeth.

Saddam Hussein invades another country without provocation and gets described as a dangerous tin-pot dictator. Then he defies the UN and ignores the needs and opinions of his own people. Washington, quite rightly, calls him an "evil despot with no regard for democracy."

Tony Blair is set to invade another country without provocation in defiance of the UN and continues to ignore the needs and opinions of his own people. And Washington calls him "a brave man". Now there's spin in action! You'd think that Blair would have learnt by now, wouldn't you? While he's going around accusing people of being cynical and not trusting him any more he continues to pummel them with unadulterated spin and misleading rhetoric...and he still can't figure out why Britain's turned against him. Even his backbenchers are revolting...and not all of them just physically.

"But the educational system is improving," says Tony not very convincingly, as parents watch the illiteracy of their children reach new depths of ineptitude. "And the trains are running better..." he adds as thousands of commuters continue to be let down by British transport. "And the hospital waiting lists are getting shorter and the unemployment figures are less than 1,000,000 now..." he continues regardless of the fact that, even to a blind Moroccan mole that's just tunnelled its way into the garden after six months in Istanbul, it's blatantly obvious none of these 'facts' are even remotely true. Figures are manipulated. Up-to-the-minute dossiers are stolen from fifteen-year-old student papers. Every negative is spun into a positive. Death is no longer the end of life but the start of new possibilities. Even the War with Iraq, with it's projected 50,000 innocent deaths, is now more humane than the "continued sanctions" (sanctions that most of us have been arguing against for the last 12 years) "that Saddam is abusing..." Which is why the anti-war protesters have got it wrong! Er...what?! No...seriously...Tony did say that! And this pillock can't understand why we don't believe him and his cronies any more?

Unsatisfied with Britain's attitude (the people here don't love him any more...but he's a big brave soldier now...he's not going to blub, honestly) Uncle Tony has, once again, turned his attention to the USA where, according to American spin doctors, at least 50% of the population still think he's great. Of course, the real figures might be different. But there you go...live by the spin, die by the spin.

And he has the audacity to call the rest of us cynical! The jug-eared pillock!

It was good to see 70's porn star and Tony Blair's father-in-law Tony Booth attending yesterday's peace rally though. When the prime minister's father-in-law comes out in protest against him you know there's something seriously wrong. Cherie herself was believed to have been thinking about attending the demonstration but, unfortunately, she got delayed during a shopping trip to Harrods.

One last thing before I bugger off. The idea of an American Christian General being put in charge of Iraq when the war is finally won is possibly the most dangerous, most stupid and most insulting part about all this. Imagine if the situation were reversed. We all hate Tony enough now to want him to go, much as the Iraqi people hate Saddam. They're both dictatorial little tosspots. But imagine if a Muslim country got it into their heads to wage war on Britain, frighten Christian zealot Tony Blair to seek refuge in Germany and then placed a Middle-Eastern Muslim Colonel in charge of the country. How do you think that'd go down in Europe? 'Nuff said...time for cribbage.

The Great British Public today decided to 'unilaterally' attack America, topple the evil dictator George Dubbya Bush and replace him with a Welsh Methodist until such times as the American people start to understand the principles behind democratic politics. "We don't care if we haven't got the backing of the government," said George Swallow of the Fisherman's Arms, Kirby. "The Butcher of Texas needs removing from power. He is clearly a threat to world peace."

This much is true. Bush, a failed oil tycoon, has been amassing weapons of mass destruction to the point of global obliteration for many years now and has been talking about the imminent invasion of various Middle-Eastern countries as part of his World Americanisation program. A religious zealot Bush is also responsible for killing his own citizens and, indeed, holds the record for the most number of executed prisoners in Texas over a twelve-month period.

"We cannot continue to let this bastard humiliate the World," commented Mrs Dunstable of Grange-Over-Sands during one of her coffee mornings. "There will be collateral damage, inevitably," she added. "But, having seen the pathetic activities of the United States Armed Forces so far, the Brits shouldn't have much of a problem and the war will no doubt be over very quickly." Bush's track record hasn't exactly been exemplary so far it must be said. Following September 11th his war on Afghanistan resulted in hundreds of thousands of innocent people dying whilst the Al Quaeda network and Osama bin Laden simply dissipated to cause terrorism around the globe.

Accusations have been levelled at the British people for 'turning their backs on what was once an ally during the Second World War.' "Bollocks!" said Arthur Hornblower of Stanstead Green. "The yanks seem to think they went to war against the Nazis for the sole purpose of helping the Brits and the French out of a tight hole. I don't know where they've got that idea from! The truth is they only joined the war after Pearl Harbour was attacked and they had no option. Until that point they couldn't be arsed...so they can stuff their philanthropic pretensions up their fat, lard-filled backsides. We don't owe them anything! It was us Brits along with the Ozzies and the Kanucks what stood up to 'Itler despite the fact that we weren't even about to get invaded. Fuckin' big 'eaded patronising Yanks. I say let's bring the bastards down to size."

The majority of the British people, however, feel it important to point out that, "They have no quarrel with the Americans themselves. Just their leader." "If George Bush fancies taking the easy way out and buggering off into exile," commented Hilda Bracket of Dunfermline. "Then it would save us all a lot of bother. In the meantime we're pushing for a government proposal on this issue. If we don't get one then we'll be going to war with America anyway whether they like it or not."

The saga continues...