EXCLUSIVE TO RANT OF THE WEEK MISSILES & BOOM PRESENTS "New Labour's Love Lost" A romance for the twenty-first century.

Antonia was the Prime Minister of a small, North European island nation wreathed in mystery (Don't you mean misery? Ed.) and Dubya was the leader of the greatest superpower the world had ever seen. Antonia was but a Poodle to Dubya's mighty Rottweiler and many said their love should never be. Antonia and Dubya were determined to prove everyone wrong and their story will have you reaching for the Kleenex (Don't you mean sickbag? Ed.). Now read on...

Antonia knew instinctively Dubya was the man for her. So tall; so handsome; so assertive. His "War on Terror" rhetoric following the Twin Towers disaster sent a frisson of passion through her body and she resolved that he would be hers whatever the cost. She picked up the 'phone, offered her condolences and support and couldn't believe it when he invited her over to stay at his house. The next few days were frantic; packing and unpacking her cases, sorting through her wardrobe and visiting Harvey Nick's, worried that her first impressions would disappoint the most powerful man in the world. How relieved she was to finally discover her love was reciprocated.on.

Antonia's happiness was absolute. What more to life than enjoying the way he held her and treated her like a treasured pet? People made hateful remarks but Antonia didn't care. Let them scoff, she thought. Only she truly understood the man beneath the alleged warmonger so let them have their nasty fun. Crazy with love, Antonia persued the relationship with a searing passion she had never before experienced, not even when she watched Cherie and Carole scrubbing each other in the shower. The idyll continued until Antonia presented Dubya with a token of her complete love and obedience. Unfortunately, soon after Antonia begane to suspect that something was very, very wrong. To be continued...