I have just taken the ITV Sexually Personality Test (well...there wasn't much else on television before the autopsy) and apparently I have a Sexual Personality Rating of 92%. Translated into English this means that I'm highly educated sexually (i.e. I know where the clitoris is, what it does and how much leg-work my tongue has to do to achieve the desired results), I don't mind having custard licked off my nipples (especially vanilla flavour) and I'm (to quote the presenter) "...a true gourmet lover." (And she should know.) To be honest I didn't need some pratt in a suit to tell me that. I should have scored 100% but, unfortunately, I haven't had sex on a train. (Would you believe I dropped four points for that? Have these people ridden on British Rail recently? To be truthful I've only ever bothered to catch a train three times in my life...and unless they're expecting me to have had sex with my brother in a crowded carriage filled with squaddies, with all the other kids at my junior school on a field trip to London or with some sheep in the livestock carriage crossing the Welsh mountains then I'm hardly likely to...oh...hold on...now that I come to think about it, I didn't drop those four points after all.)

Anyway...the autopsy! The first time such an event has taken place on television ever...or so the programme makers claim. Plenty of controversy though...Channel Four broadcasting a live autopsy straight after the Osbournes! I'm not sure which was worse.The build up to the hack, saw, slice and dribble was quite nerve-wracking I must be honest. Perhaps most unnerving was the actual goitre who was performing it. What a freaky twat he was. Especially his hat and weird accent. Unfortunately after the first three wields of the scalpel and the removal of the ribcage I lost interest and decided to visit the Blogger board instead. For another couple of points I should have gone for a wank on the railway lines...but there you go. Double Dan Sexual Blackbelt will have to do for me. Funny that they didn't mention wombats though.