It's good t' see that Winston Church'ill ended up bein' voted Greatest Briton of all time ever. I must admit though I 'ad t' do a lot of telephonin' the BBC and castin' votes to ensure 'is victory. But Winnie wouldn't 'ave done no less for us. And it's quite right that 'ee won too! 'Ee did more for keepin' the pakis and nig nogs at bay than anyone else in the 'ole of 'istory. And 'ee was a gentleman! 'Ee might 'ave looked like an old turnip dipped in sour-crout but 'ee always let y' get your drawers off proper before givin' you a stiff one round the back o' the bike sheds! Or was that somebody else I'm thinkin' of?
Whatever, times was different back in Winnie's day. There was none of these queers roamin' the streets in their leather jockstraps back then. And people knew their place! Down in the gutter mainly with all the other turds, 'scuse my Arabic. Winnie was a lord y' know? Not one o' these uppity, by your leave working class bastards, 'scuse my Portugese, wot was getting above 'is station. And by gum 'ee knew 'ow t' fight. And 'ee smoked 'is cigars! 'Ee didn't stuff 'em up Lady Astor's fanny or nothing like wot polticians do these days with their plastic bags and tangerines and cottagin' and wot not. Filthy buggers, 'scuse my Yorkshire, the lot of 'em!
Mind you, it was a pity that that nice Princess Diana wot died after savin' the world for the Sambos didn't win. She was angel she was. The most beautiful woman in the universe ever and so kind and considerate. The world's been full of misery since she went. Back in 'er time there wasn't no poverty or terrorism and you could leave your front door open and a ladder up to the bedroom window and no-one would bother you. And dogs didn't crap on the pavements neither, 'scuse my Latin. And Derek 'Atton, the evil bastard 'scuse my Hindu, wasn't even born which was a good thing. She'd 'ave put a stop to this bloomin' fireman's strike if she was alive so 'elp 'er God. She was like that. All very considerate and carin' and clever. Not like these fuckers in the Royal Family these days 'oo all stink of dog shit an' shag camels, 'scuse my Sudanese. I'm an 'undred and six y' know and my colostomy needs attendin'.
