99: Saint Myra Hindley. 60's pop goddess, director of Yorkshire social services, prison reformer and concubine of the flaxen-haired aristocrat, Lord Longford.

In 1967 Hindley began her tireless campaign to rid Britain's streets of poverty-stricken children, accompanied by her ever-faithful sidekick Ian Duncan-Smith Brady. "This was a huge leap forward for feminism," commented Germaline Greer (Female Eunuch and Australian porn queen) in Hindley's defence. "Myra is one of the few women to achieve equality in the male dominated world of serial killers." In fact so great was Hindley's influence that in the decades to follow women started drinking as much as men, watching football, swearing, fighting and generally being as offensive and as crap as their male counterparts in every walk of life.

After being sentenced to life imprisonment for a minor parking offence, Hindley repented of her otherwise blameless life and eventually found Jesus. This was more than could be said for the Yorkshire police who didn't find his hacked up body buried in the prison window box until three weeks after Hindley's death.

Lady Hindley-Longford was buried on Saddleworth Moor in 2002, her premature end brought about by her choking on the head of a small whippet. Her black and shrivelled heart was sold at an auction in Llandudno to a concerned scientist from the Daily Express.