SENIOR TORY MAKES STAND AGAINST RISING CRIME

Ann Widdecombe, despairing of New Labour's inability to lock up burglars, today unveiled the latest weapon in the war against crime - her pet cat, Twiggy. Said Mrs. Widdecombe, "Ten stones of furry spite crushing your gonads is a better deterrent than Lord Chief Justice Woolf's ridiculous old lag's poetry classes any day!"