Sedgers, this means you are now acting editor for the next week or so. I'll keep everyone posted about Uncle Brian's progress and expect to have his acerbic wit entertaining us yet again in next to no time.
Luv & Kisses
T S
From the brand spanking new mahogany inlaid with precious jewels from the Orient desk of Terry Sedgwick, the Acting Editor formerly known as the Deputy editor.
Disclaimer:- "Luv & Kisses T S" To clear up any possible confusion ... that message was not posted by me. I'm strictly a grope and bonk man.
I have contacted the hospital and unfortunately Uncle Brian is not allowed to receive visitors. Three persons of Middle eastern appearance bearing gifts of frankincense, myrrh and ricin have already been turned away and are presently helping police with their inquiries. A distraught Ms Widdicombe was removed from Uncle Brian's bedside and has begun a carpark vigil.
Get well gifts of cigarettes, single malt whisky and chocolate eclairs secreted inside plain brown paper bags can be delivered to Nurse Barbara Windsor via the back door. Knock 3 times, password is either "festering pustule" or "Tony Blair".
Uncle Brian's gallbladder has been successfully removed and is currently being transported on a 10 ton lorry to the "Fleetwood Bespoke Holy Relics and Pawn Shop" where small portions of the One True Gall Bladder will be tastefully mounted inside a glass snow bubble by master craftsman Nobby Scuttle. It is anticipated that these should be available for the Valentine's Day gift giving season.
The actual gall stones that were removed during the 15 hour long operation have been donated to the Fleetwood Historical Society which, as a result of Uncle Brian's boundless charity, will now be able to realise it's dream of constructing a lifesize replica of Stonehenge.
The owner of "Ye Olde Fleetwood Cream Cake and Chip Butty Shoppe" was taken into custody yesterday and has been formally charged with attempted murder.
Constable Reg Hollis said "We had hoped that we would be able charge him with the murder of Mr. Hughes, but you can't have everything. All of the lads here at the nick are hoping for a speedy recovery for Mr. Hughes. No, we do. We really do, honestly. True dinks, we hope he gets better. Honestly. I'm a copper believe me. No, we really do. Well, some of us do. I'm sure I heard someone say something along those lines. Alright then, you've got me. We don't give a shit. He's a right bastard."
