In a move to appease the soft-minded, arse-stabbing, left-wing liberals of Australia this week, Primeminster Howard has released his "Bedtime Book of Humorous Political Anecdotes."

"This is the handbook for all those gay radicals that keep on screaming about refugee rights," Howard said at his first book signing. "It aims to provide the reader with the lighter side of the refugee crisis and tell the story as it truly is instead of the utter tosh that these handbag weilding benders keep spouting!"

Later today John Howard will be appearing at the Nelson Mandela Memorial Hall in New York, where he'll be autographing George Bush's ringpiece with his tongue.