Our local supermarket (although supermarket is perhaps the wrong description for what amounts to three spotty adolescants who are anything but super and who hang around the cheese counter all day yacking about who they're currently shagging...where was I? Oh yeah...the local supermarket...) has started to sell a range of organic products. Apparently all the food is grown without the use of chemical agents and pesticides, has no added flavours, is delivered in brown paper bags and costs three times as much as the normal stuff.

Now, I ask you, what's the point in that?

If I wanted to eat food that was covered in horse shit, full of weevil turds and snail spunk, was small, rotten and inedible and required an increase in my mortgage to buy, I'd move to France. As far as I'm concerned the hard working scientists of Britain spent decades working out which chemicals were best to get rid of nasty grubs and horrible diseases, and now, suddenly, I'm supposed to just dip into the pig trough and start eating untreated mank! Bollocks to that! Next they'll be telling us MacDonald burgers contain real meat.