Christians...get off the planet now! You are outdated, worthless and pathetic. If you can’t keep your stupid, remedial opinions to yourselves then you must leave our world immediately. If you can’t live in peace and harmony with anybody else and are incapable of realising that other people are entitled to their points of view then you really don’t deserve to exist.
Humans...you have all been linked to terrorists, Muslims and Christians. Whilst you persist in being genetically similar to these groups we have no alternative but to evict you from the home world.
Cats and Dogs...you have been closely linked to humans...kindly pack up your squeaky bones and catnip mice and get off the planet now!
Rolf Harris...you are well known for taking pleasure in filming cats and dogs in pain. Therefore you have been elected the new King of the Whole World Ever. From now on everyone on the planet will be forced to wear a false beard and National Health glasses, shake a wobble-board about moronically and grow an extra leg on pain of death.
According to a poll released in the Guardian yesterday, since the bombings in Bali on Saturday public opinion towards the impending War against Iraq has swung dramatically, with a huge increase in the numbers now backing Bush and Blair’s master-plan.
Well...what a surprise. Excuse me if I don’t sit here slack jawed. Despite the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for the bombings (apparently military explosives were used, but that’s about all that anybody’s managed to determine so far) several people have already been arrested and links to Al Q’aeda firmly established in people’s minds. Exactly what this has to do with Iraq is anybody’s guess.
Therefore I have reached the following conclusion:
Muslims...get off the planet now! You’ve been nothing but trouble for centuries. All right...some of you don’t want to cause any problems but you’re part of an organisation that is linked to war, death, terrorism and bigotry on a grand scale. Therefore you must all go!
Please close all the windows before leaving.
Sub editor's interpolation ... I'm an American tired of American lies."
