1) Women like jewellery so make sure you wear plenty of medallions and chains.
2) When meeting women in the pub always use a great chat up line such as, "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" They'll think you're witty and debonair and immediately fancy you.
3) Wear plenty of after-shave. Women love sexy fragrances so make sure you use at least half a bottle of Mandate or Old Spice to get her olfactory senses reeling.
4) If you've managed to pull then show her your collection of porno videos. Remember 'Lesbian Dildo Arsefest Two' will get her hot and sticky in no time.
5) Show her you're a man of few words by sitting in the pub with her all evening and not speaking.
6) Show her you're gregarious by ignoring her all night and hanging around the bar with your mates instead.
7) Be romantic. Buy her a present. A dildo perhaps, or a humorous Wicked Willy key ring. Make sure you leave the price tag on so that she knows how generous you've been.
8) Be direct. Don't waste time 'wooing' her. She'll respect you all the more for it. Talk about 'shagging' and 'how your ex-girlfriend could reach an orgasm just by the way your fondled her tits.' This never fails to impress and she'll be desperate to study your sexual technique first hand.
9) Show her you're sporty by wearing a football strip when you take her to a fancy restaurant. Then spend the entire meal discussing the offside rule and what an ugly old lesbian Fatima Whitbread is.
10) Talk about the size of your knob. After all, she doesn't want a man who's only got tiny genitals and a very low sperm count. Exaggerate its size by stuffing a sock down your 'Y' fronts. She'll be ever so grateful for it later.
1) Don't wear make-up. Men prefer that fresh-faced, blanched-skin look and are very fond of telling everyone this.
2) Constantly talk about your ex-boyfriends and how witty they are. This will encourage your man to improve himself verbally and agitate his instinctual competitive nature.
3) Discuss your period over a candlelit dinner. This will show him how intimate your relationship is becoming.
4) Insist that you watch a Mel Gibson movie together. There's nothing better for making men horny than a good action/romance film.
5) Wear high heels but walk with a masculine gait. This will show him that you can present yourself as both feminine and independent at the same time.
6) Discuss feminism with him. It's a real turn on.
7) Discuss the possibility of marriage and/or children.
8) Try not to talk when you're sat in the pub with him unless a group of your girlfriends happen to stroll by. Then act happy and excited. Once they've gone, however, slip back into a miserable mood and constantly gaze around the room avoiding eye-contact with your fella whenever possible. Men like their women to be sultry.
9) Leave your snot-rags by the side of the bed when you have a cold.
10) Take him shopping for shoes.
