A personal analysis of why people become patriotic!
When individuals are ugly or stupid or lacking in talent because they’re fat and crap in bed they turn to outside influences to bolster their self-confidence. It’s only human nature to want to be proud of something and, unable to have pride in themselves, rubbish people latch on to some larger organisation with which to associate. That’s why cretins support football teams or are proud of their race, their religious beliefs, their gender, their sexual orientation, their class, their musical tastes and, most importantly, their nations!
Americans are particularly patriotic. That’s because America is full of fat, stupid, ugly bastards who like to associate with television programmes that feature slim, good looking and witty characters.
The Brits, on the other hand, tend to be more well-rounded people on the whole. We’re not as patriotic because we’re better as individuals than Americans are. That’s what makes us great. That’s why we’re better than all the other stupid countries in the World!
Other News: And following Saturday’s tragic events in Bali, Prime Minster John Howard has arranged a televisual spectacular to soothe discomforted souls across Australia. In this extravaganza Rolf Harris will read from the bible, Kylie Minogue will sing the National Anthem, Clive James will give a stirring patriotic speech designed to ease the pain and suffering of a nation in shock and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo will join forces with Yahoo Serious and Paul Hogan to light 300 memorial candles in the forests around Sydney. (If there are any forests left by this point, of course, after last month’s candle-lighting debacle got a bit out of control.)
Already plans for a huge weeping wombat statue are being drawn up to be placed on Ayres Rock as a symbol of universal mourning. In America coach tour operators are taking bookings for looters, sick bastards and pillagers to visit the bombed-out Balinese night-club.
God Bless Bali, the greatest nation on the planet!
Please note: If you don’t buy a flag it’ll prove that you’re in league with the Al Q’aeda network and you’ll be sent to live on an abandoned island with those other despicable refugee terrorists. So buy a flag now! You know it makes sense.
Sheila was very impressed by the way in which Bruce had speared the vicious wombat with his flag staff.
