I'm sick and tired of everything.

Of America and Britain stomping round the world and acting like bullies and then, when anybody stands up to them and fights back, acting astonished at what they've done. I'm sick and tired of elitism and greed and hypocrisy. I'm sick and tired of cultures defending their own rights whilst ignoring others. Of religious bigots picking out bits of the Bible or the Koran to use as an excuse for violence and intolerance. Of priests raping children. Of feminists hating men. Of chauvinists mistreating women. Of cats fighting dogs. Of Murdochs and Maxwells lying through their arses.

I'm sick and tired of reality t.v. shows that are anything but. Of thick bastards becoming rich and famous whilst real talent gets ignored. I'm sick and tired of modern art and modern dance and modern jazz and modern socialism. I'm sick and tired of everyone being greedy and believing that there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be rich despite the third world suffering. I'm sick and tired of vicars with mansions, of the pope and his swollen balls, the Prime Minister and his bullshit, the American President and his war mongering and the royal family and their P.R. campaign. I'm sick and tired of the news being full of tittle-tattle and 'what the butler' saw when nobody gives a shit that the Queen and her cohorts are all fucking parasites. I'm sick and tired of Peter Waterman and the decline of the British music industry. I'm sick and tired of the 12 thousand-page report from Iraq and the fact that Bush is sorting out the most absorbent pieces for his lavatory. I'm sick and tired of peer-group pressurising adverts for expensive Christmas presents when everyone is up to their eyeballs in debt already.

I'm sick and tired of the working class being nothing more than modern day slaves without the recourse that the 'slavery' epithet at least could eventually grant them. I'm sick and tired of women with pushchairs barging into me in the supermarket. I'm sick and tired of screaming children and ignorant biddies. I'm sick and tired of overpaid judges and underworked surgeons. I'm sick and tired of the hierarchy and the national lottery and the fact that nobody ever complains about inequality now because they might win millions if they buy a ticket. I'm sick and tired of people's ignorance. I'm sick and tired of middle age, of the ageing process, of my own mortality, of other people's mortality. I'm sick and tired of death.

I'm sick and tired of God. Of people proclaiming a non-existent being to set the rules so that they don't have to take responsibility for their own fucking actions. Of Christians saying that God is a benevolent father when, if he were human, he'd be locked up after the way he's treated his kids. I'm sick and tired of Christmas with its annoying carols and its tacky bits of tinsel and its shitty horribleness. I'm sick and tired of people spraying fake snow on their windows when in reality it's pissing down and blowing a gale everywhere. I'm sick and tired of films that feature animals dying, or children dying, or parents dying that appear on telly during the festive season. Films that are supposed to make you well up with tears and feel all seasonal and good about yourself but are really just cynical, cheap ways for third-rate wankers in the film industry to grab a quick buck.

I'm sick and tired of gallbladders. Of illness and disease. Of bigotry and ignorance. Of black people hating white people. Of white people hating black people. Of Jew hating Christian hating Muslim hating Hindu hating Atheist hating Jew. I'm sick and tired of Jeffrey Archer being a cunt and people continuing to buy his crappy books. Of John Prescott's face. Of the Liberal Democrats always saying what they believed until they got their first whiff of potential power and then abandoning their beliefs for the right-wing middleclass voters. I'm sick and tired of the Blairs, of the Osbournes, of perfume adverts aimed at gay men. I'm sick and tired of nobody reading my cartoons, nobody reading my books, nobody giving a fuck about anything unless it appears on the telly or in the Sun.

But most of all I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

And particularly of the fat little bastard from next door but one who keeps riding his scooter up and down outside my window.