This afternoon, Tony Blair called a meeting at 10 Downing Street to present his cabinet with his long-awaited dossier of evidence against Saddam and argue the case for military action against Iraq. After two hours of intensive negotiations the members of the cabinet left Downing Street with a united front, even dissenters such as Claire Short apparently siding with Blair's future plans. Tomorrow the dossier will be taken to Parliament and presented across the board. Although the actual minutes of the meeting at Downing Street are now withheld under the Official Secrets Act, we can reveal part of the conversation secretly recorded during the session.
"Tony, before we begin, I'd just like to say, as I have said publicly before, that you cannot continue killing innocent people in Iraq. We all agree that something has to be done about Saddam but I must voice my opinion, that being that other ideas must be tested first!"
"But Claire, you haven't seen what's in my dossier yet."
"I don't think there's any need for that. We all know what's been going on whilst the weapons inspectors have been out of the country. I also realise that if we can't reach agreement this afternoon it might cause a split in the Labour party, but..."
Sounds of briefcase opening
"Oh my God! Is that a photograph of me and Widders? You can see my toenails!"
"It might not exactly be page three material but I'm sure the Sun would love to publish these."
Sounds of paper being shuffled across the desk.
"What's this, Tony?"
"It's in Braille, David."
"Jesus H! Is that me and Nigger? You can see his claws and everything! This is disgusting!"
"So...is everyone agreed then? All united behind President Bush?"
General murmur of consent.
"Good. Now we've got just under two hours to think up some ideas to replace the documents in this dossier for the Commons tomorrow. And you'd better make them good or else I'll show you the Prescott/Straw/Portillo menage a trois photoshoot again!"
Claire Short...phwoar! What a stunner!
David Blunkett: I can't see what all the fuss is about.
