Local landlady rents B&B room to riders of doom.
by Edith Blunt: Rockall's confused, octogenarian housewife
Basingstoke landlady Mrs Dorothy Parsons today spoke of her shock upon realising the four men renting room six in her suburban B&B were none other than the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"I didn't see their horses, at first," said Mrs Parson. "They must have hidden them in the hedge while they were booking in. I'd never rent out my rooms to anyone with a horse on account of my license not permitting pets, see, not even if they are belonging to anthropomorphic personifications of the apparitions Death, Famine, War, and Pestilence."
Sightings of the portents of doom were also reported by other local residents. Mrs Edna Parsons, no relation, spoke of her shock when War entered the sub post office on London Road demanding first class stamps upon pain of siege. "I thought it was George Bush," said Mrs Parsons. "It was short and ugly and all evil looking, but it wasn't until Mr Parsons pointed out it was really War that the penny dropped, so to speak. Needless to say, I gave him his stamps."
Local nurse Mrs Gladys Parsons, no relation, was not surprised when she saw Pestilence visiting patients upon ward three of Basingstoke Infirmary. "It stood there bold as bold in the guise of Health Secretary Alan Milburn. I suspected all along that the government was running the NHS in a pestilential manner. How else do you explain John Gummer? A breeding ground for super bugs if ever there was. And I can tell you I wasn't impressed at his idea of reducing waiting lists by infecting everyone on the ward with bronchial pneumonia."
Death had not been reported seen since the closure for repairs of the Basingstoke YMCA swimming baths up on Faggots Hove, and was believed unwilling to agree to any interview in which he'd have to actually say anything. Instead, he issued a brief statement through his agents Queen Mother Artiste Management plc in which he said: "You can call me an awful entertainer, but you can't call me a killer. One is not proven, and the evidence for the other has been on the BBC at six pm every Saturday for the last 10 years."
Theologian, Father Seamus O'Parsons, no relation, speculated upon the apparent non-appearance of Famine, the fourth rider of doom. "We'll know him when we see him," said the father. "He'll be a fattish bloke, bloated, self-absorbed, with little or no feelings for the plight of the poor and hungry." Iain Duncan-Smith was unavailable for comment.
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Source: Rockall Times
