News just in: Ulrika Johnson claims to have been raped by an unnamed showbiz personality. MORE

In their hunt to catch the perpetrator the police are questioning Stevie Wonder and Peters (out of Peters and Lee).

Said Chief Inspector Corner of the Yard, "These two are the most likely candidates although we'll also be questioning Kermit the Frog and Pinky and Perky. As yet we haven't ruled out the bloke from the Krankies as, quite obviously, he'll shag anything."