Other News: And as the fire-fighters strike looms ever closer (interestingly, before Sept 11th we used to call them firemen but that’s beside the point) Tony ex-unionist Blair and his government lackeys are growing ever more agitated.
“This behaviour is irresponsible!” complained John I-can-swallow-an-entire-rugby-team-in-one-go Prescott when questioned about the situation. “A fire-fighters’ (sic) strike would put people’s lives at risk.” (Not to mention their political careers.)
Tony spin Blair, however, is adamant that the Firemen will not be getting a pay increase despite the danger and self-sacrifice they put themselves through every day of their lives. When asked, “Why not?” he replied, “Giving them a pay rise could severely affect the country’s economy. We’d have to find the extra money from somewhere, so other people would ultimately lose out.”
Here are a few helpful tips for Uncle Tony as to where he might find that extra money without harming those in need:
1) Try taxing the rich and inbred for once instead of always giving them benefits and handouts. Remember your predecessors, Tony? Socialists? Any idea what that actually meant? Do you remember why the Labour movement was started in the first place? Or are we all so far right-wing now that there’s no going back?
2) Try not giving yourself and all your politician friends a massive pay-rise every year. I notice that nobody ever stops that particular increase from being passed.
3) Try sacking some of these useless fat bastards running the public utilities. They cream off thousands a week whilst wrecking our social infrastructure. Replace them with hamsters who will work for a only a handful of grain and do a better job.
4) Get rid of the Royal Family. They are out-of-date, anachronistic and extremely expensive. On top of the massive costs of the civil list they don’t even pay tax. Give them council houses to live in and restart interviews and open up their massive stately homes to the general public for a small entrance fee.
5) Stop wasting money on nuclear weapons. If we’re not going to use them, as you so insistently claim we’re not, then we don’t bloody need them.
6) Stop pouring money into the EU. Especially into the dinner soirées attended by self-centred and useless politicians. If we must be part of this farcical set-up at least let’s have some of the benefits that the EU is offering such as ‘no monarchy’, ‘minimum wages’ etc. In for a penny...in for a pound, eh? You can’t go round half-cocked all the time. That’s David Mellor’s job.
7) Don’t pay any more money into the UN. If Britain and America can’t be arsed abiding by UN rulings then there’s no point in it being there. Sod the damned thing off and give the money to the firemen instead.
8) Kill Pete Waterman. Not because he’s particularly rich but because the bastard just deserves to die.
