Last week Channel 4 gave us the incredibly over-rated Clockwork Orange.

This week's offering was The Blair Witch Project...quite possibly the most overhyped, under-achieving, unfrightening load of fucking bullshit like dude man, like, it was just repetetive fucking shit fucking like man, like...and it was like fucking annoying repetetive bullshit too man 'cos like it just went on and on repeating itself dude all the fucking time man and it was crap and fucking bullshit and fucking repetetive dude and complete fucking like fucking waste of repetetive fucking video fucking tape man dude like dude man fuck AAAAAAAAAAAAAARHGH! Channel 4! You should be so sorry! Long gone are the seasons of truly great films! The Jean de Florets, the Betty Blues, the Man Bites Dogs! Instead we're reduced to this banal bollocks! Sod the ratings dudes and give us back some proper culture you fucking dude man bullshit dude bastards. You'll be showing us fucking dude football next man!

In fact, The Blair Witch Project was so crap that, after an hour when it became apparent that the irritating little tossers weren't going to die horribly for ages yet, I actually turned over and watched "The 100 Greatest Britons" on the BBC. Oh please! Don't get me started! More like twenty reasonable Britons and the Eighty Greatest Tosspots to emerge from this god-forsaken country. Princess Diana? Princess fucking Diana like dude man fuck man dude tit. And to witness Johnny Fuck-The-Establishment Rotten proclaiming that Diana was great because she challenged the monarchy...well that's enough for me. This afternoon I'm throwing the television out of the window at the next little twat who calls collecting pennies for the guy so help me God I will!