My name is Araminta and I've been brought in here by the chaps at Rant Of The Week to inject a little feminine charm and London sophistication to this assorted collection of beardly malcontents.
So let's get started right away with the first of Minty's Informative Niblets.
Part One.
Five Helpful Suggestions To Bring The Creativity Back Into Your Swearing.
1. Pappersnax Bignose
For those days at the office when a simple, loudly-applied CUNT just wont do, I offer this boss-friendly alternative. For example: "I have just spent twenty minutes of my lunch hour on the phone to the most obnoxious pappersnaxing bignose ever to call this company". If overheard by said boss, you can always claim that the pappersnax is a particularly troublesome Excel macro that you are wrestling with, since bosses never ever know anything about computers seeing as they never do any work (though this may not work so well if you belong to a firm of IT consultants).
2. Cock
A word of many uses, but consider the one that saves wear and tear on the oral cavity when attempting to describe someone you've taken an instant dislike to. For example: "What did you think of my new boyfriend? isn't he simply dreamy?" "Cock".
3. Buggernaught
An imaginative and original replacement for any insulting word used to reference the second person at the end of an
insult, for example: "You unbelievable arse-fusking buggernaught".
4. Pemp-slider
One who smunctates another avially. Sample useage very similar to above. (c.f. Fry & Laurie)
5. Dubya
Not yet a swear word (though obscene in polite company), this will only fully realise it's potential after this inevitable
war with it's inevitable outcome, when sample usage will run thus: "Oh I can't believe you've messed it up so comprehensively, you made a right Dubya of that".
