Financial Bollocks with Fosbury Piers Punter:
According to Channel 4 News last night, trading statistics for the Christmas period 2002 were considerably down on those reported for the equivalent period this time last year. Shops across Britain reported a seasonal fall in their average takings. Consumer experts are blaming the possibility of war with Iraq for undermining consumer confidence. I know it's had an effect on me. I was planning to spend at least £600 on presents this Christmas but once I reached Argos I started to think about the ever present threat from the Iraqi people and changed my mind. "Best to put some of that money away in case the war kicks off," I thought, opting for a bag of sherbet bonbons instead of the £200 microwave I was going to buy for my mother. "After all, I'd hate the scuds to start flying in the knowledge that I'd overspent this Christmas."
Following accusations that the Financial Experts have finally lost all connection with reality, the government has launched a £400 million investigation into why such people get paid so much. The investigation is being spearheaded by Peter 'Coca-Cola is Great' Fitzgibbons St John Greedyshit III and is expected to claim the lives of thousands of Kurdish refugees.
