There I was offline for a couple of days in a bushfire smoke shrouded Ararat (where I went to school and where lives my mother in law) frothing at the mouth desperate to post. Well I'm back and let me tell you I'm not happy with what has been going on.
Turn your back for one minute and there's Prime Minister Maggot, the leader formerly and still known as Prime Minister Maggot, farewelling fresh faced young lads, some as old as twelve, off to the Gulf on a mission to over-compensate for his miniscule appendage.
Flags are rampant. Politicians' normally flaccid bits are now fully erect. Military bands are discordant and strident. Dissenters are disparaged, ignored or await execution for treason.
The media is orgasmic, frothing at the mouth and (surprise, surprise) not a whit critical or analytical. Tearful wives, cute curly haired kiddies and trembling lipped parents security blanketted by endless refrains of the vomitous nazionalistic dirges "Advance Australia
"Loved ones" is the meeja's "Phrase for the Day". (I shan't bother to point out to Rupert's scribblers the irony of that phrase in the current context. Far be it from me to cast Waugh pearls before swine.)
"Tears flowed between anxious families and friends clinging to loved ones and sharing precious final moments together before Operation Bastille was deployed." ("Operation BASTILLE'?! Give us a break!)
"Teary farewells as loved ones called up."
"Parents, partners and children shared final emotional moments with loved ones as they farewelled the 350 Australians on board HMAS Kanimbla."
"Like many of the hundreds of relatives saying goodbyes to ... " Yes, you guessed it.
"At 10 a.m. the Kanimbla with 350 personnel on board pulled away from the wharf, from the waving flags, and the tears and blown kisses of ... " Yes, you guessed right again.
Prime Minister Maggot provided the loved ones (have I mentioned them?) with the reassuring news that Australia may declare war on Saddam Hussein without U.N. approval.
However the loved ones were no boubt buoyed by this announcement by his Maggotness. "There are no grounds from what I've seen so far for any special levy to pay for Australia's military involvement in the Gulf. It will cost some extra money but it's a little early at this stage for me to put a figure on that. It depends on how long it lasts."
The Maggot has a distinguished history of "the devil's in the detail and the qualification", so I'd suggest that once they have been released from their photo opportunity obligations with the meeja, the loved ones might consider putting a few pennies aside in the biscuit tin each pay day for when the levy is imposed.
Now if those evil Iraqi soldiers had loved ones we might think twice about inflicting pain and suffering on innocent Iraqi bystanders. But we know they don't. Well they're barely human aren't they? They deserve to be Bluebottley "deaded". Those low life bastards are just asking for it.
Question. Of the 191 members of the United Nations, which nations have decided to "forward deploy" military personnel to the Persian Gulf?
Answer. America, Britain, Australia and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.
Question. What is the problem with this question and answer?
Answer. Having to applaud, amongst others, the Frogs and the Krauts. Never thought I'd see the day!
