The English Cricket Squad are still uncertain today as to whether their test match against Zimbabwe will go ahead or not. The Cricketting Board, casting ethics and 'fair play' to the wind, have yet to decide if the visit will be 'sufficiently dangerous to imperil the cricketers lives or not.'

Oddly enough, this has left the Australian squad in a quandry as well. In recent times Australia has become to Britain what Britain itself has become to America. For example: "We'll go to War with Iraq despite the U.N." rants Bush. "Right on," says Tony. "We'll go as well then." And after some considerable pause for thought, you can almost hear the corks clattering, John Howard chimes in, "Fair enough...count us in now that we know we're not the only ones." The Australian Cricket team is, apparently, waiting on England's decision to determine if they will play against Zimbawe or boycott the match. Yellow bastards. Any thoughts of your own Howard? Well...any that we could publish here?

Two of the Zimbabwe cricket team themselves today wore black arm bands as a protest against "The death of their country's democracy." Seeing as Tony Blair is the currently the only person in Britain willing to sacrifice the UN in favour of a pointless American fracas then it might be a good idea if the rest of us started wearing black arm bands for the same reasons. And that goes for the Aussies as well.

Europe is split. NATO is dead. The UN is coughing up blood. And the school bullies have taken over the classrooms with the usual intent of collecting pocket money through threatening means from not only the pupils but the teachers. 'Nuff said.