The United States of America: Land of the Free!

Now showing at the Odeon.

For years I've heard the hype about this sole surviving superpower of the political stage. The Greatest Nation on Earth! The Dog's Cohones! The Big Apple! The best in music, movies, art and freedom of expression. So finally I took a closer look.

Such a disappointment!

What started out as a serious and enterprising proposition (the opening number: "Send to me your weary, your sick, your old and your young..." was most inspired) quickly developed into a farce and then, ultimately, a slapstick pantomime. The whole thing was nothing more than an arrogant conceit. The leading actors were unable to deliver their lines convincingly (George Bush in particular was not only cross-eyed but continually stumbled over the longer words) and the lack of conviction, intelligent observation and ironic humour was appalling. It could have been written by a six-year-old...cabbage that is. There was a singular lack of depth to most of the characters. The political understanding of foreign affairs was pathetically judgmental, amounting to little more than xenophobic name calling, and the idealism (for which the production was accorded its many accolades) was nothing more than trussed up capitalism masquerading as propaganda.

The sets were impressive enough, in a "not exactly beautiful but at least it's big" sort of way. And the supporting cast of millions playing the roles of common Americans varied from decent, intelligent people to idiotic morons with very few speaking parts. It was, however, the administration that let the whole thing down so badly. Not since I saw "Iraq: The Country Elects Saddam!" at the multiplex have I seen such a catastrophic miscarriage of democracy. In fact, the main thrust of the work...to set up democracies wherever the government could around the world...seems to have been built on a false premise, considering that America throughout the debacle blatantly ignored the democratic process within the UN.

On the whole then, not worth buying a ticket to see. The seating is uncomfortable (especially if you're trapped between two morbidly obese burger kings) and the craftsmanship is shoddy. There are some excellent bit-part actors and some great ideas floating around, but the main players are not up to the job and the ensemble carries too much pride, stupidity and bullishness to rate it amongst the other great civilisations.

In summary: Don't believe the hype.

The largest peace rally in known history has been taking part across Britain today as millions turned out in force up and down the country to protest against the looming war in Iraq. (Loved the slogan: "Make Tea...not War!") Even Fleetwood, much to my surprise, got into the swing of things. A couple of hundred people gathered around the town clock this dinnertime. (Don't laugh...that's almost half the population of the town, so it was quite a good turn out on the whole...well, half the literate population anyway.) Most were waving placards that read simply: "No!" (I assume they were protesting against the war. It was a bit unclear...especially seeing as the tram fares are set to increase next week.) Unfortunately I went into the bakers for half a dozen barmcakes and when I re-emerged they'd all disappeared. After half an hour of searching down the backstreets I reached the conclusion that they'd probably retired to the Fisherman's Arms for a pint of Boddingtons. Still...at least they tried.

Tony bin Blair, speaking from his safe-house in Glasgow this morning, defended his hawkish stance...although it must be increasingly difficult to see what's really going on in the inky darkness of Bush's ever tightening sphincter. "I'm proud to live in a democracy," Blair said, failing to see the irony of his words. "But, I put it to you simply (so that you can understand you ignorant peasants) that killing Saddam would be a humanitarian act." Well, I'm sure that we can all agree with that, but removing him by force? There's got to be another way. No matter how you look at this an estimated 50,000 innocent deaths cannot be construed as a humanitarian act. It's time to stop your constant spin Tony...we're all fucking sick of it. The only thing we want you to spin from now on is yourself on our middle digits. 'Nuff said. Enjoy the demos. This afternoon George Clooney, Tony Benn and Glenda Jackson reveal why Uncle Tony is a jug-eared pratt and Charles Kennedy and Bianca Jagger will be handing out refreshments in Hyde Park.

The Deputy Editor suggests we give the ROTW Gong of the Week jointly to Rae McDonald and the people of Bellingen, just some of the million faces in the streets of 600 cities around the World.

"Rae McDonald, 58, from London, said although she was not especially politically minded she felt strongly that there must be a way to avoid war. "I cannot make any difference by sitting at home and just grumbling," she said.

In the small town of Bellingen near the New South Wales central coast, Australia, the crowd of protesters was estimated by organisers to be barely smaller than the local population of 2,600.