Police are continuing to investigate a flat in Manchester today where, last night, a policeman was stabbed to death during a raid on suspected terrorists. Despite questions being asked as to why an unarmed policeman without a stab-proof vest on had been murdered by three terrorists who weren't even handcuffed, Tony bin Blair paid tribute to the man in the Commons this afternoon. "I personally knew him," said Uncle Tony. "He was a close friend and colleague of mine that I met once up t' north, when he was standing three streets away and I was passing by in a car."

"Of course you realise this is why we have to bomb Iraq?" he went on with fierce determination now, to a shocked audience of sleeping back-benchers. "I told you so, didn't I? Well...I did tell you! You nicompoops!"

Oddly enough the police constable was killed by a knife wound to the chest, not a speck of ricin in sight...unless of course it was attached to the knife's tip at the time, which...to be honest about this...would have been the only way of it being effective. Not that it would have mattered because the knife finished the job anyway, but there you go. Time to get all panicky and frightened again folks 'cos there are terrorists out there (you can easily spot them on account of their being brown or black) with rusty spud peelers at the ready.

To add to the terrorist alarm it appears that in Texas a number of bubonic plague samples have been stolen from a laboratory. Or...and this is only a theory of course...possibly sold by the money-loving capitalists producing the stuff in the first place. This wouldn't be the first time. The British War Plans that Churchill handed over to the U.S. Government as part of a contract for them to supply our soldiers with extra food during the Second World War were subsequently sold to the nazis and nearly cost Britain its sovereignty. Good to see that traditions are being kept up.

What's the reckoning that several bubonic plague samples turn up somewhere in Iraq within the month thus vindicating Dubbya's war-mongering bullshit?

Deputy Editor notes:- Forget the ricin. Those Vietnamese boat people that we good supremely white Australians let into our country back in the 60s and 70s are now showing their terrorist colours. I tried to warn the government at the time. "These people who hopped onto luxury 6 foot wooden leaky boats and spent their journey having fun fighting off sharks and pirates are terrorists. You are creating on a time bomb in your own backyard that is going to crawl up your trouser leg and bite you on the hand that feeds them." I rest my prescient case.