Well said Uncle Brian. Not every Australia shags kangaroos. Sex on the hop is fine for some but we do have a thriving (and attractive) sheep population. Having learned a lesson from World War 11 (the last war in which the Americans participated and was won) when American troops were billeted in Australia and proceeded to deflower every wombat within shagging distance, we have placed a ban on immigration by and granting of visitors' visas to New Zealanders and the Welsh.

We are still tracking down a group of self-centred, 35 and 50 year old, cockney entertainers who, using plasic forks and spoons borrowed from the set of "Some Mothers Do Have "Em", tunnelled out of the Max Miller Detention Centre.

Head of "Operation Panto", General Tony bin Goebbels said today, "They can tell mother in law and knock-knock jokes until the bovines come home, but they can't hide forever. A number of these miscreants have already been recaptured when attempting to tunnel into Juvenile Detention Centres. They are currently undergoing aversion therapy at the W.C. Fields Rehab Centre where they have to work with pug ugly kids and feral warthogs. These events can lead to no other conclusion than that we need to bomb Iraq immediately."