Tragedy Strikes Britain.

The newly appointed Palace spokesman, Sir Peter Foster told reporters that changes could be expected under the reign of King Charles Spaniel 111 and Queen Camilla von Saxe-Rottweiler 1.

Sir Peter went on to explain that their majesties have embraced the concept of democracy and intended to rule for all vegetables. King Charles had briefed him earlier in the day and had authorised him to release this short mission statement.

"The accession of myself, the new Queen, my pot plants and the compost bin to the throne signifies a new era. I like to think of it as the age of ratatouille. No vegetable will be more equal than his brother. A sprout is a sprout is a sprout, unless it is a pea. Apart from broad beans of course, which are another kettle of legumes. Plant them and they will come. The flowers that bloom in the spring tra la. I'm a little despot short and stout. Anyone for tennis?"

Pressed to explain what this meant, Sir Peter said that he would refer the matter to the King's chief advisors, Mairzy Doats, Dozy Doats and Liddle Lamzy Divey for a full translation.

Prime Minister Tony Iceberg-Lettuce stated that he looked forward to working with the new monarch, "I think we speak the same language."

The Prime Minister added, "The King has thrown his full support behind our military campaign to bring about regime change in France. The failure of Saddam Chirac to allow the United Nations Gastronomic Inspection Team lead by Lady Delia Smith, full and free access to french restaurants which we know to contain recipes of mass destruction has left us with no alternative. Lethal quantities of Creme Fraiche and Bernaise Sauce are known to be prepared in these facilities and their potential to destroy British cuisine is limitless.

We Britons don't want foreign muck on our plates no matter where it comes from! We shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight in the restaurants, we shall fight in the sushi bars, we shall fight in the bistrots and in the cafes, we shall fight in the Indian takeaways; we shall never serve Rendang.

I know there are some shillyshallying backsliders even within my own Government who can't see the Black Forest Gateau for the Tiramisus. Make no mistake, under the leadership of myself and our new monarch there will be peas in our life time and on our tables, not petits pois!"