Just a few lines to let you know what I would like to find in my knickers on the Big Day.
I know I always ask for a doll and this year is no exception. However, I have a few things to say about some of the dolls you have given me in the past.
The John Leslie Dating Doll was awful. Surely I’m the one who gets to tear the packaging off! The later Lesbo Leslie version was notoriously popular with the press but proved short lived. However, the original Dating Doll, now supplied with an authentic coke snorting kit, is still causing a widespread problem for gullible bimbos like me. The doll is quite unsuitable as a playmate and should be withdrawn from sale as soon as possible.
The Stan “The Man” Footballer Doll proved to be faulty. He kept kicking me instead of his ball and when I complained he smacked me about as well. The bastard obviously wasn’t programmed to understand that I’m the slapper, not him!
The Swedish Sven you sent me came with a Velcro Nancy: The Bloodsucking Italian Leech attachment. The Wop bitch clings like shit to a blanket and has so far proved impossible to pry loose. I am very disappointed.
I don’t really care what doll you send me this year so long as he’s rich, famous, non-violent, with easily detachable accessories and anatomically correct. I’d prefer it if you didn’t send me a Shagging Angus though.
Love Ulrika XXXX
