Let me introduce myself. My name's Peggy Farcus, wife of Bruce Farcus (dec.), daughter of Doug and Ethel Smith, grand daughter of Paddy and Portia Hannan and great grand daughter of Jebediah and Mabel Comerford and lastly but not leastly, the great great grand daughter of Arthur and Milly Sedgwick.
There you go, that's the connection to this blog thing. Young Terry Sedgwick is my 34th. cousin removed (he was not actually "removed", he was more chucked out on his arse from the family, something to do with friggin' underage marsupials) and at the last family reunion I managed to get young Tezza absolutely legless on XXXX beer and nicked his kangaroo scrotum wallet. (It's an old family tradition pinch each other's scrotums. Yes, women in this family still bear scrotums, we bare them proudly, we also bear bloody great arms, so no smart arse comments from any of the pinko leso types I've seen on this site.)
Anyway to cut to the friggin' chase, I told him he could have it back if he got me a gig on this Rant blog thing. I run the "Kalgoorlie Kronicle", a newspaper servicing a bloody great town in the outback of Australia and I figured that a bit of straight talking Australian Waltzing Matilda outback philosophy wouldn't go astray on this blog.
I love Australia, it's a bloody great country, I love the people that made this country great and I won't hear a bloody word against them. If they don't like it they should bloody move to Russia. (Go to the bloody theatres over there and see how they bloody get on!) Some Aussies turn out to be ungrateful snakes in the grass. Mel Gibson, Kylie Minogue, Clive James, Greg Norman, Edna friggin' Everage, Rolf Harris, Germaine Greer and their friggin' like feed from the nipple of Australian culture and then when they have sucked it dry just bugger off overseas without as much as a "thank your mother for the rabbits". Hope their chooks turn into emus and kick their friggin' dunny doors down. Whatever happened to good old fashioned national family values?
I've had a look through some of the stuff on this blog and I can't say I'm happy with the attitude of some of you young people. Still wet behind the ears and mouthing off as if you have the friggin' wisdom of Solomon. Anyway I'll sort you lot out later.
Just wanted to let you know I'm on board, I'm friggin' hotter to trot than a lizard's belly in the Simpson Desert at midday and if you don't like some of the things this plain talking 87 year old Australian woman is gonna say, then stiff shit! I may be getting on a bit but I know my friggin' onions.
I don't say it like it is, I say it how it should be. That's why the readers buy my newspaper.
