Bob Monkhouse, last of the orange-faced Great British Comics (and no I'm not including Des O'Conner in that statement who, despite having the obligatory perma-tan head, is about as much of a humorous comic as Zit Magazine was), one-time cartoonist and legendary smarmball has died aged 75. No Americans were involved.
An estimated 25,000 people have been killed in the Iranian earthquake. Fortunately the U.S. Government haven't deemed this a great enough tragedy to warrant another one of their bile-spewing feel-good concerts. The ancient world heritage town of Wham-Bam has been completely destroyed in the quake and a further 40,000 residents have been left homeless. No Americans were involved...apparently.
Michael Jackson claims that the police beat him up in custardy, displaying the bruises on his arm as proof. To be honest his arm's that thin and twisted just grabbing him with cotton wool would have had the same effect. No human beings were involved.
And finally I'm starting my New Year's drinking binge early, building up to a huge party on New Year's Eve followed by projectile vommitting on Thursday morning. You can rest assured that no Americans will be involved.