Saturday, November 15, 2003

Still Just Visiting...


What an excellent premise for a family entertainment show...especially if you're the sort of person who wants to watch half an hour of somebody else playing a third rate version of Tekken, without any of the special moves that Tekken fact without any real moves at all, to be honest, except for a pathetic punch...and without the smooth animation or the opportunity to have a bash that you'd actually want to.
For everyone else (and that means 'everyone') here's a bit of advice, go down to your local video games shop and watch the introduction to some new fighting game over and over again. I guarantee it'll be more interesting and more impressive that Fightbox and it won't have those two gimboids reviewing every meaningless bout and talking shit in the middle of it.
To think that the BBC actually got rid of Robot Wars (which is now doing nicely over on Channel 5 incidentally...good old Channel 5!) and replaced it with this pointless crap. They really don't get it, do they? I mean if it wasn't bad enough that they should try to rip off Time Team with some fat, inbred monstrous baby of a man sporting a pathetic lisp and flying round Yorkshire in a helicopter talking out of his massive arse, they had to go and produce this drivel.
Like the politicians and nepotistic aristocrats that run the bastard thing, the BBC is out of touch, out of ideas, anachronistic and extremely expensive. Time to get rid of the license fee folks...I for one would be more than satisfied with the three channels that we'd still have left.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Still just visiting...

More terrorist alerts have been issued for Britain with convenient expediancy as George Bush is about to arrive and, under British law, there's no other way of shutting off the streets of London to anti-war protesters.
"The coincidence between George's visit and the alerts is simply that...coincidence..." insisted Tony Blair to anyone who actually gave a shit this afternoon.
"In fact the whole thing's a bit like Miss Marple," commented Mr Pint on the issues raised in the Fisherman's Arms, Fleetwood, this evening. "Wherever she goes there's a murder and yet nobody ever pins the blame on her. Wherever George Bush goes there are terrorist alerts and reasons to ban outspoken anti-war polititians from government buildings where he might be visiting. Also like Miss Marple, Bush is a fictional character invented by a right-wing press who, in reality, would be senile, incontinent and full of shit about the comaradery of war."
Mr Pint has since been arrested under the new 'anti-terrorism' bill and was last seen being dragged into the Ministry of Correction at knife point.

Monday, November 10, 2003

One can feck orft! (A quick visit by the original Editor of this board.)

Jug-eared inbred future King Charles Spaniel, Chuck Windsor (nee Saxe Coburgh Hitler) is warding off continued rumours that haven't been published by the press this week. (Really...I thought it was a criminal investigation rather than rumours?)

Charlie was allegedly caught bumming his closest butler over tea and scones, causing another palace servant to suffer nightmares and a nervous breakdown. (The thought of it's enough to make me vomit, I must be honest. Those massive ears flapping around as the butler teabags old Chuck round the gnashers.)

Because of the serious nature of the 'rumour' (you can almost hear Sir Cliff sighing with relief as the pressure is diverted...) the future of the monarchy is now in jeopardy...apparently.

So let me get this to speak. The fact that Charles represents everything that's fascist, totalitarian, greedy, inbred, nepotistic, elitist, classist and corrupt in Britain today doesn't warrent a mention and doesn't threaten the future of the Royal tax-scrounging bastards in any manner...but performing what is supposedly a perfectly legal act does?

For fuck's sake people...the man's been sleeping with Camilla for years...surely we all knew there was something wrong with him sexually somewhere. Don't bring down the monarchy because you're frightened about gay people for Christ's sake...bring 'em down because they're a bunch of cunts...otherwise some other body of aristocratic, right-wing persuasion will just usurp the power vaccuum and nothing will ever change!

Other news and Prince Edward was shocked at the sudden arrival of his baby daughter. Not as much as the rest of us were, I bet. We all thought the original 'butler bumming' rumours were about him.