"Educating toddlers on such matters will lead to a decline in teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases," said a government spokesperson. And for once I have to agree. There's no quicker way to put kids off anything than to teach it in school.
Meanwhile the Anglican Church today is holding a mass debate. (Ooh er Missus!) The Archbishop of Canterbury said earlier in the morning that, "We need to discuss the role of homosexuals in the modern church..." (they make good cleaners, apparently) "...but not on this occasion."
Excellent! That should leave a couple of hours clear for that old chestnut of camels and needles' eyes and extreme wealth to be debated amongst the filthy rich bigots then.
And in America CIA officials are blaming Britain for misleading intelligence over the African Uranium affair.
"We honestly didn't know anything about it," said one leading rat as he was abandoning the sinking ship. "It was those Goddamn lying Limeys all along what stuck it to us."
President Bush was unavailable to comment as, true to form, he had been carefully packed off abroad where reporters couldn't reach him. This week, Dubya's been 'communing' with his relatives the chimpanzees and watching bonking elephants with a bemused expression on his face. Already the royalty cheques have started rolling in from wrinkled old tosser Denis Norden.