Friday, November 21, 2003

Innocent by degrees?

Both Bleugghh and Shrub went before the cameras yesterday and denounced the actions of the terrorists that destroyed lives and property in Istanbul. Both piously condemned the murder of innocent victims. And so they should. Terrorism cannot and must not be tolerated.
However, rhetoric about the innocent victims of terrorism, as spoken from the mouths of our wonderful Gruesome Twosome, to whom the innocent victims of the bombing of Iraq and Afghanistan were repackaged as as the more media friendly regretable-but-necessary collateral damage, makes their words ring very hollow indeed.
The words "glass houses" and "stones" spring instantly to mind.

Here's the steam off my shit...satisfied now.

With Uncle Tony and Great Uncle Bush rebuilding each others egos this week rather than rebuilding the shattered economy of Iraq, it would be a cheap shot for me to target the blatently obvious. But, in lieu of the fact that there are no red cross depots left, here goes nothing. If Uncle Tony so vehemently shares Great Uncle Bush's opinion that the only way to deal with violence is with more violence, resulting in the deaths of innocent people...but, hey, that's's to be expected...then perhaps he should consider arming the British police force, arming the British public and bringing back executions. (All wonderful American institutions, of course, and look how well behaved their criminals are.) So what if a few children accidentally blow their own heads off? So what if a few innocent victims get fried in the chair due to miscarriages of justice? Hey...that's war and shit happens. certainly does when it comes to voting prime ministers and presidents into power. Fellow Americans, please remember, today's terrorists were yesterday's freedom fighters. Ever heard of the American War of Independence? When that terrorist leader George Washington rose up against the liberating and beneficient King of Eng-a-land with acts of violence? Oh...sorry...wrong century. We've all moved a little to the right of centre politics since then...a little closer to Adolf and Benito.
My message to those who ought to know better, "Go home Great Uncle Bush...and please take Uncle Tony, Great Aunt Elizabeth and that bigotted old nazi shit of a Great, Great Uncle Philip with you."

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Just Dropping My Guts...

Michael Jackson, the lily-white pop starlet, has disappeared following a warrant issued for his arrest on multiple child abuse allegations. "We've no idea where he's hiding. That's the thing about Jackson," said a spokesman for the California police. "He just blends in with the crowd."

Meanwhile in Turkey terrorists have blown up the HSBC building. "This is a deliberate attack on Britain," said Tony Blair after wiping George Bush's semen from his chin at a press conference this afternoon. "The HSBC...otherwise known as the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking a well known British target."
A second bomb also exploded in the British Embassy in Turkey this morning, killing twenty-five people. In a statement to the press, David Blunkett said, "We cannot tell you whether the British Ambassador was killed or not until we've informed his family."
Well done David...

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

"Let me in, let me in, little pig."

LONDON - A British newspaper reporter infiltrated Buckingham Palace ahead of U.S. President George W. Bush's state visit, using a fake reference to get job on the royal staff, and was assigned to serve members of Bush's party in an embarrassing breach of security revealed today.

Buckingham Palace was conducting a "full investigation," a royal spokeswoman said. Home Secretary David Blunkett, whose department is responsible for law and order, said, "We are satisfied that both the security and the criminal records checks were done robustly and correctly and that there was no risk from this individual."

He emphasized that the Daily Mirror reporter had lied only about his work history. Blunkett said officials had resolved problems with physical security at the royal palaces, but conceded the failure to fully check the reporter's background "is a breach and it needs to be closed."

He added that the independent Security Commission would also review the apparent gap.

Prime Minister Tony Blair, asked about the report in the House of Commons, said,
"I think it's important that we establish the facts first."

Goodness me, has young Tone has a Damascus Road conversion?!

Bring out your dead, bring 'em on ...
but not in my backyard at the Whitehouse

A half decent and compassionate leader of the anti-terrorist "Free World" might have found the time to go to Italy to attend the funeral service for 18 soldiers killed in Iraq rather than attending right royal photo opportunities which will no doubt figure prominently in the 2004 presidential election campaign.

I gather George doesn't like the sight of flag draped coffins. Doesn't like anyone else seeing them either.

After the Vietman experience it is understandable that George doesn't want to see, and doesn't want the voting public to see a flow of body bags and national coverage of funeral services.

Why they died was to further a President's fight for freedom from terrorism. Arguably a high noble cause.

How they were buried was to further a President's fight for office. Unarguably a base ignoble act.

These soldiers' deaths have been mightily devalued and disrespected.

Just Passin' Wind...

Emperor Bush's election campaign continued today with a twenty-billion pound boost from the British tax payers, ensuring that all protesters were at least three miles away from his bomb proof limo. Said one of the five supporters who'd bothered to stand in front of the palace to wave at the mass-murdering chimp ( American supporter incidentally...they were specially flown in because nobody in Britain could be arsed...), "No matter how ignorant the protesters are they're entitled to it. That's what's so good about living in America (sic)...freedom of speech."
Not so fucking good, of course, if you happen to live in Guantanamo Bay.

Meanwhile security at the palace was severely compromised when a Daily Mirror reporter disguised himself as a homosexual and took photographs of the royal bedrooms. Palace officials were said to be shocked. So was I...did you see the state of Prince Andrew's bedroom? What a shithole! And these people are supposed to have taste!
Naturally questions have been asked about how somebody could so easily break through the palace security system.
"The staff performed a thorough check into the man's background," explained David Blunkett in the Commons today. "And it turned out that he wasn't coloured so they let him through."

Neverland? Neverlearn!!!

So, Jacko the Weirdo is being investigated for child abuse yet again. How come the parents who expose their children to a man, who has long been suspected of being a serial paedophile, aren't being investigated for potential reckless child endangerment?
I mean, would you let your kids share a bed with him? For any amount of money?

Yank Irony?!

Seen on BBC News 24 last night - young Americans being polled on Britain's contribution to the "special relationship". One young lady sees Britain's support as legitimising the US's international policies such as the "war on terror".
How can a lying bastard like St Tony of Bleugghh legitimise anything another lying bastard has proposed?

Monday, November 17, 2003

Aint lurv grand?

On the BBC1 Breakfast with Frost programme President Bush also heaped praise on Tony Blair. He said: "I value his advice and I - every time I visit with him, whether it be on the phone or on video or in person ... he's got some interesting ideas about how to advance a positive agenda.

Sexed up sexy phone calls to Tony ... way to go Georgie Boy. I've seen the "Tony does the Electorate" video and it rocks. Every voter gets screwed! In person? Dunno, you have to draw the line somewhere.

"visit with him" ... bloody A'merkins at it again!

"I value his advice and I - "

Yes George, "and I - ", "and I - ", and I what? Where was that dangling proposition actually headed George?

Sunday, November 16, 2003

I do not believe it! Sorry, of course I do.

Home Secretary David Blunkett has refused to grant diplomatic immunity to armed American special agents and snipers travelling to Britain as part of President Bush's entourage this week.

In the case of the accidental shooting of a protester, the Americans in Bush's protection squad will face justice in a British court as would any other visitor, the Home Office has confirmed.

The issue of immunity is one of a series of extraordinary US demands turned down by Ministers and Downing Street during preparations for the Bush visit.

These included the closure of the Tube network, the use of US air force planes and helicopters and the shipping in of battlefield weaponry to use against rioters.

In return, the British authorities agreed numerous concessions, including the creation of a 'sterile zone' around the President with a series of road closures in central London and a security cordon keeping the public away from his cavalcade.

The White House initially demanded the closure of all Tube lines under parts of London to be visited during the trip. But British officials dismissed the idea that a suicide bomber could kill the President by blowing up a Tube train. Ministers are also believed to have dismissed suggestions that a 'sterile zone' around the President should be policed entirely by American special agents and military.

Demands for the US air force to patrol above London with fighter aircraft and Black Hawk helicopters have also been turned down.

The President's protection force will be armed - as Tony Blair's is when he travels abroad - and around 250 secret service agents will fly in with Bush, but operational control will remain with the Metropolitan Police.

The Americans had also wanted to travel with a piece of military hardware called a 'mini-gun', which usually forms part of the mobile armoury in the presidential cavalcade. It is fired from a tank and can kill dozens of people. One manufacturer's description reads: 'Due to the small calibre of the round, the mini-gun can be used practically anywhere. This is especially helpful during peacekeeping deployments.'

Ministers have made clear to Washington that the firepower of the mini-gun will not be available during the state visit to Britain. In return, the Government has agreed to close off much of Whitehall during the visit - the usual practice in Britain is to use police outriders to close roads as the cavalcade passes to cause minimal disruption to traffic.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: 'Negotiations between here and the US have been perfectly amicable. If there have been requests, they have not posed any problems.'

An internal memo sent to Cabinet Office staff and leaked to the press this weekend urged staff to work from home if at possible during the presidential visit. Serious disruption would be caused by 'the President Bush vehicle entourage requesting cleared secured vehicle routes around London and the security cordons creating a sterile zone around him'.

Meanwhile, negotiations are continuing between police and demonstrators about the route of the march. Representatives of the Stop the War Coalition will meet police at Scotland Yard tomorrow to discuss whether protesters will be able to march through Parliament Square and Whitehall. Spokesman Andrew Burgin said he hoped for 'a good old-fashioned British compromise'.

Sorry Britain. Australia has already had first go at brown-nosing Dubya. (And did it in spades.) We have first dibs on being the 51st state. However (if you don't mind a bit of gratuitous advice from an inmate of one of your former penal colonies) it seems that you limeys are not going about it in the right way to sew up the 52nd star on the flag. For one, you chaps need to ship that uncooperative commie bastard Blunkett off to Guantanamo Bay tout sweet.

"a 'sterile zone' around the President "?!? Oh, oh, oh! If I were one for cheap shots now would be the moment for me to pull out one of those lovely sounding 'mini-guns'.