Wednesday, August 20, 2003

You know it makes sense ...


Dep. Ed. is computer challenged at the moment. Browser hijacking, sundry mega glitches, ruptured gall bladder on the 'C' drive, etc. So in this brief appearance online I leave you with the dulcet thoughts of Ranter Extraordinaire "Slamming Sam".

"When we were very young our mothers use to teach us about taking turns. You all remember; if someone was playing with a toy tank that you wanted, all you had to do was to wait until you were ready to have your turn and then beat the snot out of whoever had it and off you go.

Peter Costello wants to have a turn at being Prime Minister but so far has got it all wrong and is waiting in the corner until John Howard gets bored with shooting fish in a barrel and retires.

Some use waiting time to do useful things, like writing hundreds of complaining about the building of a mosque on vacant land in outer suburbia but Peter has gone very weird. He is now making speeches espousing all manner of nonsense.

Recently he was advising us all to get to know our neighbours. Neighbours are for abusing as you back the jeep over their hydrangeas and I know far more than I need to know about the human excrement than live next to me.

He says it would increase trust and tolerance, which is exactly what we’re afraid of. I’m deadly serious, this is actually what he said: “A tolerant society will allow dissenting views, it will allow ethnic minorities to live in peace and security.”

I realise he is trying to carve out a niche for himself, to create some points of difference between him and bullet-proof John but doesn’t he understand what the last 8 years have been about?

We have battled long and hard to increase suspicion and distrust, to foster hatred of difference and resentment of other viewpoints and we are now the envy of bigots around the world.

Soon countries everywhere will be supporting foreign nations imprisoning their citizens without charge, and spending millions of dollars challenging court decisions that oppose the mandatory detention of children in desert prisons.

To be frank, I’ve never trusted Costello, what with his soft-cock sentiments, supercilious smile and that bleeding-heart Mother Teresa wanna-be that he calls bro. When, and if, John Howards retires there is only one man for the job. Phillip Ruddock. Sure he might be slightly mad but at least we know there won’t be any of this tolerance nonsense."

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Yet another crappy Micra advert.

How would you describe a car that's both sturdy and nimble?
That's right...Stimble. Now you too can speak Micra.

Editor's note: Or alternatively you could say 'Nurdy'. I can't believe the Micra advertising team are handing these things to me on a plate. What's next? How do you describe a car company whose adverts are both mindless and crap? That's've got the hang of it now.

Monday, August 18, 2003

Chiz chiz its the sumer hols and wer al of to sunny spane to get az drunk az skunks an kik a few daygo waiters in the teeth hurra! old hedmaster woolsack he closed the big durs on parliaiarariament an gave the big rusted old kee to mr blak rod (parliaiamentlery caretaker) and he say her mr black rod maik sur non of the boys sneek back in now that the hols ar her we dont want any shenanigans of the sort we had last sumer wen fore bakbenchers broak into the westminster bicikel sheds an slashed mr livingstones tires!
so deputy hed boy prescott he say to himself, ahha thers loads of grub an crisps an sozzages in the parliariamentury refektory and im big an fat (hem hem) an want to eat them so prescott throws his cap on the roof and pretends he haz too clime up after it an rescue it sos he can brake in thru the parliararaimnetory skylite an get his chips (fat hem hem!)
But halfway up the dranepip starts to sagg an prescott he shout oh shit am goin to die and down he hurtlez to the growd with a big splat. well what a toodoo!!!!!! hedboy tony he come up and say john, yoove been after the secret stash ov pies agen havnt yoo yoo big swetty lardarse an prescott he say sorry sir but i was hungry. so peter mandlebrot, hed sneek, he say yoo need to invent a storee abowt having an illygitimait sun or sum such to throw the meeja ov the track.
Whoo! all this an we havnt even started ar hols proper yet! well, so long yoo chaps see yoo all next turm wen ill be all sunburnt an full ov lager an pasta saurz. ttfn...NIGeL!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, August 17, 2003

70's pop idol, right wing guru, olympic swimming champion and all round good egg, Idi Amin, has died of kidney failure in a Saudi Arabian hospital after eating one of the nurses. Messages of condolence have been pouring in from leaders around the world who were quite happy to let the mass murdering dictator evade the courts for so many years. Etc. You know the's Sunday morning and I've got a hangover, so I'm buggered if I can think of any intelligent, or even stupid, comments to make on this. So here's this week's Scrag End instead to add a touch of class to an otherwise incomprehensible post:

Dep. Ed. notes a story that runs rings around sheepy methane.

(Let's not hear any more about Rupert not running stories of great profundity!)

More dodgy ads.

Waddafark was THIS advert doing in the banner above this fine Blog? I had assumed there was a young lad or lassie sitting at a desk reading all the Blogs and then hand-picking ads to suit the content ... apparently not.

Whereas, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Tony Blair, has vigorously supported the United States in the disarmament of Iraq;

Whereas, the United Kingdom is a strong and loyal ally to the United States;

Whereas, Prime Minister Tony Blair has committed substantial military forces of the United Kingdom to the current action in Iraq;

The American people extend their heartfelt thanks to Prime Minister Tony Blair for his courage and leadership; and

Extend their deep appreciation to the United Kingdom and the men and women of its armed forces.

I think our thoughts should be transmitted to the lad.

"Messages will be printed on paper and shipped weekly to the Prime Minister's office at 10 Downing Street in London."

I created this website because it seemed to me important that Americans said thank you to Prime Minister Tony Blair and the British people.

When the call came to stand and be counted, the United Kingdom came to our side.

Names and addresses provided to this website shall not be used for any purpose other than those stated.

Jon Sanford
P.O. Box 663
West Falmouth, MA 02574

The other ad on the banner links to a religious site which proclaims ... "One child at a time, one child at a time is our mission." and "Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me."

I wonder if they appreciate the irony of these missionary statements given the treatment of many children by officials of various religions.