Saturday, February 08, 2003

Full metal jacket failure

By GERARD McMANUS 09feb03

"Flak jackets issued to Australian defence personnel leaving for the Middle East yesterday did not have ceramic inserts to protect the body from bullets and shrapnel.

Three C-130 Hercules aircraft left Richmond RAAF Base, northwest of Sydney, carrying aircrew and support staff to the Middle East.

The personnel were asked to dress in full battle gear for a farewell ceremony conducted by Defence Minister Robert Hill.

But when their Kevlar flak jackets were handed out, they were found to be missing the crucial ceramic inserts.

Senator Hill was apparently unaware of the problem and no explanation was given for the mistake.

Families of the departing men and women said they had been asked to remove insignia or patches identifying them as Australian.

Australian SAS troops in Afghanistan also faced equipment shortages. According to the US military, they made extensive use of US equipment."


I have hastily organised a "Ceramic Inserts for our Boys off to Battle" fundraiser at the Town Hall. Ladies a plate ... even a chipped coffee mug or tea cup would do the trick.
Two possibly related items.

"President George Bush signed off on the upgrade of terrorist threat levels from yellow to orange."

"The alert comes a day before Australian Prime Minister John Howard arrives in the US."

Scare delays Qantas

February 9 2003 By David Adams

"The discovery of "cartoon-like" drawings in a Qantas aircraft's toilet delayed an international flight for more than three hours at Singapore yesterday afternoon.

Qantas declined to give any details of the drawings, but a spokeswoman for the airline told The Sunday Age late yesterday that QF32 from Singapore to Sydney had been delayed at Changi airport after cleaners discovered some drawings in one of the Boeing 747's toilets.

"As a precaution, the aircraft was checked and that's what has resulted in the delay," the spokeswoman said. She described the incident as a "minor security issue". The flight, which had originated in London on Friday, had been scheduled to arrive in Sydney at 7.25pm. But the arrival time was revised to 11.20pm."


Ha! This gallbladder episode is what I suspected all along. A subtefuge. Along with his devious accomplice and sometime mistress Agatha the Al Qaeda Mata Hari, Hughes has been daubing pictures of mice and peas all over plane dunnies, scaring the bejesus out of innocent passengers what wear funny shoes and carry Swiss Army paper clips.


"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —George W. Bush, Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003


This on the queries log - "penetration +anal +anusol".

Who said men aren't thoughtful lovers?

Dunno when Joe's birthday is...


...but here's a cake for the occasion.



Thank you very much the surprise, dear Twisted. Well, I am not an envious type, so I give another cakes to the people, whom called Janet or Bandage.








The Venerable Sage of Unyan
Dispenser of wisdoms and sayer of sooths to the multitudes

Upon hearing that Mother Superior Blunkers, in his charity, doth urge a plenitude of work permits upon the needy, non-English spaking rabble seeking alms at his door, the Venerable Unyan doth say - so shall it come to pass that the unemployment figures shall be set to rise and rise, just like the hands and voices of Lord God Anthony's loyal subjects who shall praise him in the highest. And there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth heard in the land when the truth of the stupidity sinks in.

Friday, February 07, 2003

"The Evidence Against Iraq" Tapes as Presented to the U.N.


El Colonel (with a gruff voice): Hey, Capitano Gringo...you there?
El Capitano (with a humorous squeaky voice): Ci, Senior. It is I, El Capitano, at your nastiest bidding.
El Colonel: Shuddupayaface you stupid little man and listen to mea!
El Capitano: Ci, ci, El Colonel. I am all a da ears!
El Colonel: Justa be quiet anna do what I saya! I wanna you to take all ov de nuclear weapons that we've got seceretly stashed in the cellar, right...and I wanna you to hide them somewhere really sneaky. Comprende?
El Capitano: Ci, El Colonel. Justa give me one minute.


Sounds of scuffling feet and pots smashing, accompanied by the howl of a cat, the slam of a large door and several padlocks being fastened. Scurry of feet heading back to the phone.


El Capitano: It's done, your most magnificent Colonel, Sir! I 'ave hidden zem in the wardrobe in my bedroom where those capitalist Americans with their big willies and their intelligent ways and their Coca Colas will never find them.
El Colonel: Doh! El Capitano! You are an imbecille!


Sounds of slapping and whimpering noises. Fade to static.


Copyright the Marx Brothers 1952. (Previously unpublished MGM Sketch recently plagiarised by Small Colon Powell)


Editor's note: No, I'm not back yet. Just making sure that my keyboard hasn't healed up whilst I've been gone. My gallbladder certainly hasn't. The latest reports from the front line in the Gall Bladder War indicate that a pre-emptive strike will be made in approximately two months time. Nothing short of a total regime change (i.e. having the damned thing removed) will suffice, thus ridding the Western World of the evil little bastards once and for all. In the meantime I will drop by whenever my current pain threshold permits.



BIN LADEN LATEST


Has Al Qaeda chief gone to ground in Wales?.
This on the queries log - "Steve Irwin twat"

A shrewd observation from a discerning surfer.
But who the fuq is Connie Huq?