I have been dreadfully remiss in not welcoming Green Fairy and Twisted Sister in the time honoured Australian way of greeting any bonzer sheila who lights up the firmament.

"SHOW US YER TITS!"

Conkers ... the antidote to terrorism paranoia ?

I think Chuck really needs to hear our voice of reason.

Ahh...Sunday! God's day of rest.

Bone idle, lazy little bastard.

If he thinks he's going to spend all day with his feet up watching the cricket he's got another think coming! Look at the state of this place! Germ warfare everywhere. Untidy politics. Maggots running the world. Unwashed pots. Earthquakes, famine, floods and poverty. You can get off your fat omnipresent arse my lad and start sorting this lot out! Partying away all night with your fundamentalist friends. Look at the mess you've made! There'll be no more angels for you, Sonny Jim. Not until you actually do something good for a change. And there's no point in looking at me like that. Lazy little shit! As you're so fond of telling us, there's no rest for the wicked! So chop, chop you self-centred little deity. And don't forget to wash behind your big fat ears!

Whilst I'm here, hello Araminta and welcome to the arse-end of the web. You didn't pass the corpse of a Welshman on your way here, did you? He bears a passing resemblance to George Michael only a bit more gay...

And do not miss the "Training Classes".

But the best is always kept for last.


Right on chaps! What's the point of terrorism if you can't make a dishonest buck out of it?

Oi! Wotch 'oo yer callin' beardy yer titchy green flighty bint 'oo's name sounds like a cat toy!

Seriously, welcome to ROTW. I like reading what you have to say so I'm looking forward to your posts on here.

Luv 'n Smackers

Twisted Sister

At last, at last. Welcome, welcome! A breath of minty fresh air.

We may disapprove of what you say, but we will defend to the death our right to report you to the Department of Homeland Security and to attend your subsequent burning at the stake.

Hello.

My name is Araminta and I've been brought in here by the chaps at Rant Of The Week to inject a little feminine charm and London sophistication to this assorted collection of beardly malcontents.

So let's get started right away with the first of Minty's Informative Niblets.

Part One.

Five Helpful Suggestions To Bring The Creativity Back Into Your Swearing.

1. Pappersnax Bignose

For those days at the office when a simple, loudly-applied CUNT just wont do, I offer this boss-friendly alternative. For example: "I have just spent twenty minutes of my lunch hour on the phone to the most obnoxious pappersnaxing bignose ever to call this company". If overheard by said boss, you can always claim that the pappersnax is a particularly troublesome Excel macro that you are wrestling with, since bosses never ever know anything about computers seeing as they never do any work (though this may not work so well if you belong to a firm of IT consultants).

2. Cock

A word of many uses, but consider the one that saves wear and tear on the oral cavity when attempting to describe someone you've taken an instant dislike to. For example: "What did you think of my new boyfriend? isn't he simply dreamy?" "Cock".

3. Buggernaught

An imaginative and original replacement for any insulting word used to reference the second person at the end of an
insult, for example: "You unbelievable arse-fusking buggernaught".

4. Pemp-slider

One who smunctates another avially. Sample useage very similar to above. (c.f. Fry & Laurie)

5. Dubya

Not yet a swear word (though obscene in polite company), this will only fully realise it's potential after this inevitable
war with it's inevitable outcome, when sample usage will run thus: "Oh I can't believe you've messed it up so comprehensively, you made a right Dubya of that".